Recently, I had to be ‘not so gently’ reminded by someone I love and respect to NOT give my personal power away.
It’s easy to see when others are giving up their own power and control over their own lives, when it comes to ourselves?
That’s a greater challenge.
The ‘real deal’ is when we go inside of ourselves and confidently say….
I AM ENOUGH
I AM PERFECT
I AM EXACTLY AS INTENDED
…and then believe it-live it-be it!
Conflicts in our life or the areas where we feel attacked by others, judged, where we need to defend ourselves, our journey and our experience to others or where we feel as though we MUST tell someone else HOW to do it with a one-sized fits all ‘lecture’ (aka triggers) are all PRIME examples and NEON SIGNS of exactly where we have handed over our own personal freedoms and given away our power…..to another, to a group/organization, to a family (obligations and expectations) or even to limiting beliefs such as religion, politics and the education system.
The reality is WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE in our actions and this choice is directly linked to the SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA!
When balanced and flowing, our choices, relationships and actions are in alignment with our best self. Not to mention, we don’t FEEL a NEED to CONTROL someone else’s actions or feel power or better or righteous over someone else.
When this chakra is opened up and awakened, we begin to SEE that WE ARE IN CONTROL OF OURSELVES and OUR LIFE, and every irritant, frustration, defense or need to tell someone else HOW to do it is simply a reflection of our own imbalanced and blocked energy center.
We cannot control others or what happens in the world around us. We can control how we handle these events and redirect the outcomes through our own choices and decisions.
A ‘drunk’ chooses to drink. The choice to stop drinking comes from within as well.
I cannot tell you in any amount of free time how many drunks and drug addicts, albeit prescription or illegal, justify their addiction, their usage, and blame OTHERS for why they ‘use’. Although each situation is different, there always seems to be the family member or friend who tries to stop the destructive behavior through intervention, negotiation, offering of help to their own sacrifice and whatever other means they can.
We don’t need an external force to make them stop. There is no group, no diety, no program and no place that will STOP the behavior. In fact, most of these will send the behavior underground!
Support is nice up to the point of where it becomes enabling or controlling.
When a drunk makes the choice to stop and enacts his will, responsibility, accountability and his ability to never drink again, he’s enacted 3rd Chakra power!
In balance, we neither seek to DOMINATE others through our need to control them, telling them HOW to do things or shaming them when they don’t do it our way, NOR do we SUBMIT to others, giving them the reigns and power over our happiness, joy and our lives.
Boundaries of healty proportions and, responsibility and the accountability associated with the consequences are all part of this energy as well.
We are ABLE to step BEYOND the situations where SOMEONE ELSE HURT US and RECLAIM OUR POWER OVER OUR OWN LIVES!
A long time ago, I was stuck in a relationship where I was neglected, emotionally and physically abused, manipulated and controlled. I was told how to dress and shamed if I wore leggings or jeans to work. I was told what I was suppose to do to show I loved him…to believe like him, to work tirelessly beside him without any joy, to write him love letters every day because HE took the time to do that for me. I was told what people I could interact with while he pretended to like others and faked interactions but then came home and talked badly about them (confusing).
He secretly took legalized meth, which was a popular medication prescribed for hyperactivity and had a major drug addiction that was unknown to me for a LONG time. I always assumed he was naturally fit and productive.
I followed him around like a puppy trailing it’s mommy, hoping and praying that some external force would make this other person SEE they were abusive in their addictions , their yelling, their rage, their controlling and their behaviors of betrayal.
I became a victim!
“Poor me! I cannot believe he did that to me! What a horrible person”.
The loss in my life was beyond words and I felt like ‘I just cannot do this right now’.
Then one day, I said ENOUGH and reclaimed my power.
It caused a major explosion in my life because, although others failed to see the truth of this individual, my instinct was spot on and my reclamation triggered them into SHOWING their TRUTH.
It took me a hot minute to move past the victim mentality and reclaim my own life, my choices and my responsibility for staying in this abusive, controlling and toxic relationship. Even though he used his manipulative energy and tried to make me out to be the ‘bad guy’, I fortunately walked away…with a fat lip and concussion from him beating me. I wasn’t mad or angry at this person. I moved PAST them and worked on myself. I made a choice.
The second I said ‘this ________ can no longer hold the reigns to my life’ was the instant my life shifted into transcendence.
This doesn’t mean that every once in a while, I don’t get lost in someone else’s dream or that I stop shining my light temporarily because someone else has to opine and insert their vision into my life.
In fact, sometimes it takes this to remind me:
I AM IN POWER
I AM RESPONSIBLE
I AM ACCOUNTABLE
I AM MY OWN SAVIOR
Power struggles and being right or proving your own side, even if it will have NO results for others (we are all on our own journey with our own mindsets and filters and levels), is a sign of a blocked or inhibited Solar Plexus.
Overstimulated, we become controlling of others! We always ‘add our two cents’ because it’s better to be right than be confident in ourselves. It’s better to prove our point and tell someone else how to do something or give our advice to the contrary.
Look at your life and your relationships.
Where are you telling others what to do, even if just making ‘suggestions’?
Where are you telling others how to do something or trying to prove their words or ways as wrong?
Where are you placing limits on others because they didn’t text you back, they didn’t take your call or didn’t listen to you the way you felt they should?
Where have you acted like a FOOL when someone didn’t respond to something the way YOU EXPECTED them to???
You know, you can have healthy relationships and experiences by being confident in your own path, your own expression, your own journey without ever having to tell someone your perspective?
‘Agree to disagree’ is a phrase that deserves NO SPOKEN ENERGY.
To speak it means we have to hold onto the last word and cling to our lack of confidence. To be confident in our knowing means we don’t have to let the other actually know we disagree.
In fact, some folks start shit just to start shit! They ask questions about topics and then argue when the expected answers aren’t given. I’ve seen this more than a time or two in my experience.
A recent discussion about ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’, or AA, and its role in true healing prompted this surge on alcohol-related topics, but you could insert any group such as a church, ceremonial ayahuasca, therapy or practice into AA and receive the same answer.
The question was asked. The answer given. But the asker got defensive and argued with the answer and the person they asked! “We just have to agree to disagree”
Why ask if you are not genuinely open to the answer? Not to mention, this was a conversation about a third party individual with whom the asker hadn’t even gone through the addiction with and therefore, it was gossip about the past and it was sharing vulnerable information about the person who had no idea the conversation was being had about them!
My resolve to this was ‘does ______KNOW you and his wife were talking about the drinking problem he had before they were married? And does he KNOW she’s asking a married man for advice about something that isn’t about her, even if she disagrees with your answer?’
No one really cares about your input into their life, especially if you are confident.
If they ASK you directly for your perspective, it’s acceptable and even welcome even if the answer is uncomfortable.
If they don’t ask you, STFU 100%.
Stop telling people HOW to DO IT.
This requires self-confidence!
Trust yourself FULLY. Don’t ask others for their opinions.
DO and THINK WHAT YOU WANT.
Do not allow FEARS or DOUBTS to dominate your decisions!
Trust your gut!
Have confidence in your abilities right now.
Stop living in a state of analysis paralysis and blaming health issues, pains, the past experiences, people and institutions on your inaction OR your extremes!
Welcome the questioning of others NOT so you can change your mind, but so you can stand in your SELF-CONFIDENCE and remind yourself you are in POWER. Reclaim that power by setting a boundary and speaking with integrity and truth.
If someone offers unsolicited advice directly to you, or their opposing viewpoints, or their control over the situation….have the confidence to stand!
Be open to what they are saying but KNOW in being open, you aren’t conceding. You are giving them their space to be who they are.
Did you know the WORST thing you can ever do to a CONTROLLING PERSON is to say “thank you but no thanks”.
They get upset. They storm off, they stonewall and they ghost.
They tell everyone else what a controlling person YOU are (and may even express this to you) even thought they KNOW they are the ones being a dick.
They may even cut you out of their life altogether, try and shame you or twist the truth around to place blame on you for their anger and actions…because in the end, THEY ARE RIGHT in their limited minds.
But you? You set boundaries. You exuded SELF CONFIDENCE!
We ALL have a direct link to our highest power. Some require a manager or intermediary, and that’s OK. Others KNOW their path. But either way, have the confidence to grow yourself and stand in your power.
You are in charge of your life, your experiences and your responses to all things.
When you stand in your personal power without dominance or being dominated, you are fluid in your 3rd Chakra!
Confidence in taking a picture of the full moon rising over the trees with my cell phone even though others think it not possible. It’s being able to do and say what I know is right without being challenged or having others defend their ways because mine somehow triggered them.
STAND in your own POWER.