INTRO: When going inside is acceptable

What happens when we authentically do not like people? When we prefer solitude or very small circles as opposed to people, events and ‘trendy’ lifestyles? When we dislike idle chit chat about workouts, clothing, hair, nails, attire and gossip? When we wish the person in front in line would simply shut the EFF up?

Although we are often labeled in derogatory terms, the reality is we make up a significant portion of personalities. We are INTROverts!

As I stood in the grocery store line with my beloved, following a long day of energy vampires, people violating our boundaries and forced interactions, we were intent on getting home! We had managed to escape the gym early, averting post-workout conversations and we had the opportunity for some US time…plus, we were hungry.

There was an extremely obese woman in front of us with two Items. I nudged my beloved, who believed us to be in ‘express’ checkout, as I witnessed her leaning on the counter, full of drama, holding a checkbook.

His response? FML!!! Of course, the experience took from our time, but it also gave us a varying perspective of the WHY. Why did her long and drawn out interaction, full of drama and complaints bother us both, creating an irritation???

Because we are INTROverts!

I am an introvert. That means that I prefer minimal contract with people, if any, beyond my VERY small circle. I do NOT enjoy gatherings, events, weddings, birthday parties or celebrations of any type. I obviously do not enjoy lines and delays, especially for those with entitlement and victimized personalities (seriously…..we all have issues!). I appreciate greatly when we are NOT invited to things involving people. The more people, the more discomfort experienced, and that doesn’t change if the people are family and/or friends. In fact, it is the worst when it’s people who we know superficially because you ‘feel’ obligated to make an appearance when you don’t give an EFF!

I abhor small-talk and honestly, feel my ‘barbaric’ Viking ancestral energy emerge when people violate my space with talk about stupid TV (I don’t watch it!), sports, popularity, religion (unless of course it’s in line with my pagan roots), gossip, jokes (not to be confused with actual wit and humor), upcoming social gatherings or when they infiltrate my physical space or the physical space of my beloved!

You can bet when we depart their existence, we are both like….WTF! Especially when people touch us without our consent or try to engage us beyond our general attempts of filling the space with a wellness check such as ‘how do you feel’ or ‘how are you today’….we don’t really want an answer unless you are deep within our circle. It’s simply a professional expectation and courtesy, and is much better than awkward silence.

In general, contact with people beyond very small social interactions, makes me very uncomfortable. To recover from the discomfort, I require ‘down time’. I prefer deep conversations about parallel universes, metaphysics, meditative states, my spirit guides, astral projection, grounding through herbal gardening, talking to tree spirits, overcoming challenges, strong marriage connections and respecting boundaries of other’s relationships.

My beloved is also an introvert. He prefers even LESS contact with humans than I do, although he is much better at ‘faking’ a smile and faking genuine conversation with people than I am (he calls it ‘being on stage’ and his demeanor returns to authenticity the moment the audience leaves), since I tend to operate in functional mode a lot. Other than that, we both despise small talk, and prefer to just focus on truth for our brains!

My point here? Introversion is NOT a one-size fits all deserving of derogatory comments, labels and judgment. Seriously, if you love to ‘party’, go DO YOU! I have the right to NOT like it or even talk about it as much as you have the right to be you.

Lately, we have both focused on doing things that are more conducive to our natural GIFT of introversion. Both of us are taking a more connected stance towards each other and to nourishing our individual minds as well as our relationship. Looking deeply into the needs of each other and fully expressing new ways of communication, growth, understanding and co-existence. We CHOOSE us and desire US, therefore if it doesn’t feed or nourish US both individually and as a couple, it’s probably going to removed from the process of selection. This includes things, practices and people.

As INTROverts, people fail to understand our truth. Just a couple of months back, we reached out to a spiritual medium and energy healer, who was able to enlighten and validate the fact that we as a unit have a purpose of ONE to heal a part of this planet and the people on it! This doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with internal conflict or relationship conflict, but rather, we fully comprehend our purpose and work towards that goal.

We view one another as an extension of self, while understanding that all others are temporary manifestations on our unique journey here to either reflect something to US or for us to reflect something to THEM. They are all temporary bundles of energy encountered along our journey. When we uproot and depart this place and all of its inhabitants that we are both ready to leave fully behind, none of it will be part of our present! And we release the past.

As we step away from ‘societally approved’ interactions and become more aligned with our TRUE INTROverted selves, we are now face to face with the lies, manipulation and enabling that people use to SELF-INFLATE!

People are genuinely not for us!!!! Not because we hate people, for we don’t. But because we are in alignment with our introverted self and ways. We understand that people create conflict for us, beyond us providing a service to them or us listening to their ‘drama’ and realizing just how elevated we are from them.

I digress, but I am often called to the process of shedding. As an authentic introvert, it is easier to shed people from my life who do not serve me. My beloved struggled at first with this, finding a bookshelf full of social contracts which he never signed binding him to acting a ‘certain way’. When he realized that shedding people is absolutely ok, he was able to release obligatory attachments to people and simply put up boundaries to protect his kingdom.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful souls in our lives with whom we truly connect spiritually. These people light up our space when they arrive. But for the most part, people are simply manifestations of energy requiring some guidance in some aspect of their existence. They are here….and then gone.

INTROverts are not necessarily socially awkward or shy. They aren’t anti-social. They aren’t rude and their silence isn’t about them. They don’t have ‘resting bitch face’. They aren’t assholes. They DO listen to what you say, but not in the way you think. They DO notice both your words and your unspoken words. They DO learn from your wild social energy and constant need to talk about what is trending. They may share with you, but may also pull back when they realize that you aren’t their type or that you may have an agenda. INTROverts aren’t lying to you or being mean, but rather they are engaging in self-preservation techniques that allow them to socially engage, however, they require some serious downtime from you!

As a general rule, both of us just want to scream at the day’s end… people are fake, hypocrite liars, takers and cheats!

But that would make us outward assholes of society. So we are forced into ranting in our private space. Sometimes this creates conflict within us as a couple and sometimes, it is a platform to vent and regain lost energy.

As we continue down our rabbit hole of psychological and societal discovery, we become even more aware of the general hypocrisy and manipulation in people. They ‘speak’ of one way but will try and lie or manipulate others to achieve their selfish and self proclaimed rights.

Me, I do not fake my displeasure for the loud, fake or even those who infiltrate my space or peace, specifically if they know me and know what I’m about! I will clearly put up my boundaries if you try and take. I see everything.

My beloved, he is authentic and speaks his truth in our space but becomes the ‘actor on stage’, or the lead character in front people, clients, customers etc. beyond his providing instructional and technical knowledge.

Neither of us truly likes people and neither of us prefers to hang out, beyond our simple life of truth. This is completely acceptable!

Me, I don’t stop, acknowledge, say ‘Hello’ or converse with strangers or acquaintances unless I am face to face because I am authentic with being an introvert. I have nothing in common.

Him, he does this to avoid appearing like an asshole, but that is him being authentic to himself and as soon as he slides away, he may give rise to an unparalleled vent to offset, or balance, his dislike of interaction. Both very acceptable and both very much introverted ways.

We are both happy in solitude or the company we give authentically to one another.

The beauty of US, is that when the day is done, we are normal introverts grateful that we have both averted throat punching anyone for another day!

Be who you are!

FOOD ADDICTION: Why the term ‘Comfort Food’ is really a justification for self-destructive behaviors

I’ve recently taken in some new data, consistent with older scholarly research, client data, self-healing and intuitive understanding, that simply reminded me just how much people struggle with food!

Aside from the convenience of low-quality, HIGHLY processed, prepackaged and microwaved (which is NO LONGER molecularly food once is cooked or warmed in the microwave, but that is an entirely separate rant) food choices the mainstream so often use in their DAILY life, it is the addiction to EMOTIONS and the internal JUSTIFICATIONS that keep people eating to soothe themselves.

Research after research study of the brain and the psyche has revealed that FOOD does not and cannot ‘make’ you feel better.  There is no chemistry.  No instant neuroemdocrinal reaction

Therefore, when certain foods are REMOVED from your daily nutrition plan (AKA a DIET for those who need a ‘quick fix’ to a lifestyle of chronic poor nutritional behaviors/choices), there is little to no possibility that one will respond with anegative emotions

So WHY then do so many individuals link their emotional well-being and happiness to FOOD?

The answer:  They are emotional addicts.

A ‘comfort food’ is basically any food, often from childhood but can also be from specific events or locations or experiences, that elicits a false sense of happiness or calming sensation within our moods. When we are emotionally ‘triggered’ (a word I use to show that we are in need of some deep healing and release of the past), we sprint to certain FOODS to FEEL BETTER.

comversely, there is a portion of the population who actually subconsciously boycott eating altogether when they hit specific emotional triggers, which is often more about control

The reality is that we are actually AVOIDING the need to heal our own deep emotional issues, expectations and distracting ourselves, even diverting these ‘feels’ through unhealthy practices.

This is the SAME behavior you see in alcoholics (people who drink alcoholic beverages to soothe or avoid emotions such as anxiety or a bad day), drug users, prescription pain medicine abusers and even gamblers, chronic shoppers and pornography addicts!

Your addiction, however, is two-fold:  EMOTIONS and FOOD

Many times, when the truly unaware and uneducated individuals are looking to ‘lose weight’, they often get sucked into a vortex of MARKETING ploys designed to take your money based on FALSE claims and promises.

Overweight individuals who struggle with emotional issues and have somehow attached their own self-soothing behaviors to consumption are easy targets.  They are lacking in varying degrees of self-worth, value and care, therefore they become an easy target for the industry.

Rant: if you actually PAY for a ‘diet’, powder or plan that guarantees your success or your money back but does NOT take into consideration YOUR age, lifestyle, weight, travel style, job, sleep patterns, activity, stressors and everything else that makes you YOU, you’ve been SUCKERED!

Diet plans that restrict an individual to low calories (1200-1600 per day), low activity, zero tolerance of any raw/clean food item or groups, small portions or limit one’s consumption of actual chewable foods for an extended time frame often create a nutritional depletion of the body and brain!

It is a personal platform for me from which to preach, however, I do not advocate nor to I jump on ANY trendy or latest/greatest diet plan, motion, potion or lotion! Why? Because they are all marketing scams designed to steal your money by capitalizing on your weakness towards self.

So then….the modern industry provides a fix to the very toxic side effect of nutrient depletion by dumping expensive ‘supplements’ down their throats, creating a greater issue with addiction!

Just imagine… consume some magical ‘B vitamin’ drops to offset starving your body of natural whole B vitamin rich foods but then, you are unable to get anymore.  You FREAK out! At least most folks do.  Swap out any supplement, enhancer or pre-workout blend for said B vitamin addiction and you have issues

My job? To UNDO this toxic mental process of addictive behaviors by reminding ALL individuals they are in control of their emotions, behaviors and choices 100% and there are ZERO magical fixes.

Look at the fitness industry subgroup of bodybuilding or fitness competitions.  In spite of my personal opinion and the countless stories of how women’s bodies have completely boycotted them after they tortured them with these intense practices, I am FULLY AWARE these individuals are disproportionately using anabolic steroids to achieve the results they do. Not only do they take a pantry full of supplementation/juicing and practice intense rituals of borderline starvation, they become addicted to these practices!

And the physical, emotional and long-term side-effects and health impacts!!!!

Humans are hard wired in the subconscious mind to ACT and REACT to certain situations, without thinking about it or even being aware of it.

When ‘A’ happens, they respond with ‘B’!

Sometimes they have every superficial intention to change their reactions, but then when ‘A’ hits, they eventually go to ‘B’.

Because this is the human mind at work, the ONLY way to alter one’s addiction is to create NEW healthy responses (so as not to swap one addiction like smoking for another like eating) and behaviors, therefore rewiring our subconscious mind!

Individuals who have an addiction to emotions are often easily stressed out or triggered. Their ‘expectations’ of how others ‘should’ be are high and it creates a classic case of judgement.  Expectations of how the kitchen ‘should’ be maintained, how family members ‘should’ act, even how young adults ‘should’ behave.

The stressed out individual will OFTEN justify their expectations of others and the situation, almost in a victim mindset. Once the ‘family’ doesn’t behave how they expect, the ‘boss’ doesn’t give them what they expect, the IRS doesn’t give what they expect, the ‘bank account’ doesn’t possess what they expect, they become SAD or DEPRESSED, or ANGRY, or ANXIOUS and turn to their justifications, excuses and addictions, often without thinking.

This is why a smoker struggles to quit. Not only is the CHEMICAL TOXIN in cigarettes and other tobacco products physically addictive, but there is a strong psychological component set well. They subconsciously link grabbing the cigarette to a ceremonial act of ‘de-stressing’.  Their brain must be rewired.

Now, looking deeper into their pattern, how does one become aware of it or even change it?

Food addictions, especially due to the very likely attachment to the past, create a uniquely complex problem.  Food is generally accepted as appropriate and even encouraged as a fix for emotional responses.  Parents bake cookies to help their kiddos FEEL better.  Depressed individuals turn to trigger foods like chips, cookies, donuts and even macaroni and cheese.  Nostalgic or melancholy connections launch individuals down a path of eating specific candy or foods because ‘grandma’ use to make this.

I am not saying that a small portion of Mac-n-cheese doesn’t have its place ON OCCASION.  However, people who are overweight or obese tend to use food to comfort their emotions because it is ‘food’, and generally accepted.

Combine the mental challenges of someone trying to LOSE weight due to an entire lifestyle of poor eating and nutritional self-sacrifice, who is using a ‘restrictive’ diet plan, who is addicted (unknowingly) to emotions, who has expectations of others (family, spouses, careers, finances, life) and who has a lot of unhealed emotional turmoil with a strong attachment to emotional eating (comfort foods), and you hold in your presence a collapsing human structure!

The most important way to HEAL this is to remember that comfort foods and emotional eating patterns are NOT what is making you FEEL better, but rather, a distraction or diversion from what you ARE TRULY FEELING.

You must align with your true FEELS, albeit frustration, sadness, unhealed past trauma or disappointment. Remember, how you FEEL (ie….stressed out because of family) is your OWN creation!

Feel the sadness and ask where does this come from? Am I sad because I am alone? Am I alone because I’m sad, negative, angry or have high expectations of others? Is this emotion really my own problem? How can I change this emotion by going inside of my own heart and providing myself with exactly what I NEED whether it is space, safety or just a sense of acceptance?

The answer will NOT be through addictive patterning.

Change your ‘go to’ responses by NOT using food or sugar (which elicits the same brain response as cocaine and heroin)! It’s not easy, but it is healthy and life-changing.

Release unconscious eating patterns or mindless picking at foods when done eating. Make sure every single bite you take has nourishment value AND is done out of HUNGER! This includes opening a package of crackers or eating the chips because they are on the table!

Stop linking food to pleasure, especially exclusively. It is not. Food is for nourishment. Find healthy hobbies to bring us happiness. When people attach to food to please themselves, they become emotionally depressed when they stop consuming it because THEY have created no other sources of happiness in their own lives!

We are responsible for our own happy!

People who emotionally eat are often haters of their own body. They speak of themselves in terms of being not good enough, or even self-hate. If they allow others to SHAME or humiliate them by speaking about certain body parts in negative ways, they contribute to the self-loathing emotional addiction.

We create our own existence, our own illnesses, our own long-term negative emotions and all of the illness and fallout we endure subsequently. No amount of mom’s Mac-n-cheese will ever restore that which you allow to grow like a cancer within the heart.

Negative emotional triggers such as frustration, sadness, anxiety, depression, anger, rage, loneliness, control, righteousness, sarchasm, victimization (poor me), attachment, irritation, low self-esteem, sudden mood alterations, self-loathing and self-deprivation are all linked to very specific areas within your soul, whether present, childhood or even past-life karma, in need of HEALING.

Heal yourself.



Being POSITIVE in a NEGATIVE Environment

We all know them…you recognize them quickly in the way they interact with those closest to them, as if they possess some stature or echelon level over them.   You will know them because they interact with those they are NOT close to in a very different light; a performance or a stage ACT.  They seem well put together and show up to events, classes, groups, conversations and other human interactions with a sense of courage, bravery and even an air of self-importance when all the while, they are known and viewed very differently by those closest to them.

They tell you what you are doing is WRONG or tell you how you SHOULD do something. They won’t listen to your stories, your feelings or your side.  The mood of the day revolves around how they FEEL…..anywhere from eggshells, to conflict or elation, erratic spending and even sudden plans that may or may not involve you.  Their words are harsh and their tone loud.  Their needs are selfish…its all about them.  They tell you how you should load a dishwasher, mow the yard, organize a pantry, do laundry, make a bed, use a hammer, how to speak on the phone to someone, what to say to someone.  They will scold adults for not responding how they THOUGHT it should have been.  They will eradicate themselves from situations of importance without cause or even notice.  They keep some areas of their world OBSESSIVELY organized (maybe a desk, maybe a closet, a dishwasher or even the process of laundry).  EVERYTHING in their environment must FIT in their expectations of what they THINK is RIGHT, and even if they speak momentarily that they adapt, when it doesn’t fit, they HAVE A FIT.

Negative people are everywhere.  Sure, there are different reasons why an individual might be temporarily negative, but the one’s who work very hard to remove the shine of the positive are the targets for today’s understanding.

As it is quoted

“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others”

This doesn’t mean that growth and ascension at the sacrifice of certain relationships isn’t appropriate…quite the contrary.

What it means is those who ACTIVELY and PATTERNISTICALY utilize or tap into negative energies to make themselves appear a way that they are not, even through teasing and humiliating with humor, arguing or being combative.

Negative and controlling people LOVE to push buttons to expose another’s weakness or vulnerability…not to actually help or encourage growth, but to put a glowing spotlight on YOU directly as an individual and create a need to become defensive or explain out their side.

This is very different than someone who FEELS convicted by the words or actions of another and argues to defend their toxic or damaging lifestyle, behaviors and actions.

Negative people like to “exploit” the weaknesses in others, using “control” as a means to be “right”.  They are typically moody, depressed, angry, and even anxious about the world and everything around them.  Some often act like VICTIMS, playing the “poor me” card through social media drama, drawing attention to their multiple woes and how NO ONE EVER gives them credit or helps them.  They pretend that they are indispensable and can “survive” without the help of others or that their views are the only views.

Negative people try to CONTROL others, because it gives them a sense of power and offsets their own core struggle:  FEAR.

Why do people become CONTROLLING and NEGATIVE?

There are a few reasons why.

  1. Somewhere in their past, they LOST control of a critical part of their existence (rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, abusive relationship, bankruptcy, hurricane).  Their own control over their life was taken, whether momentarily or over the course of time, and they have not LEARNED how to heal.
  2. They have a superiority issue, or an internal NEED to FEEL SUPERIOR to others. This can be a personality issue or caused by something simple like a guardian using dominance and authoritative parenting tactics.
  3. Oppositional and stubbornness can cause a person to possess a strong need to CONTROL, especially in UNDERSTANDING another’s perspective, opinion and even another’s feelings.
  4. FEAR of being abandoned, which is often stemmed from a childhood upbringing of abuse. When children (especially boys) are beaten by their own parents, slapped around, verbally abused, called names like stupid or told they will not amount to anything, they develop issues with loving themselves.  The instinctual way to reassert themselves is by controlling others.
  5. To prove themselves! Their self-esteem and confidence are so low.

The WEAK control for STRENGTH

The INSECURE control for SAFETY

The UNWORTHY control for VALUE

So how do we deal with controlling and negative people?  Aye…the struggle is exposed!

Customers, clients, encounters/interactions with waitstaff, checkers, drive-through window staff, neighbors, romantic partners, spouses and even friends and family…..there are those individuals who are seen in every circle as being “negative”, even controlling over everything and everyone in their environment.

Aside from keeping you COOL (just breathe), distancing yourself from them if possible (physically or emotionally), and reminding yourself to NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY, there are some highly effective ways to deal with those individuals who are often negative and controlling.

  1. KEEP YOUR FOCUS on yourself, your own thoughts, words and expressions. Negative people are negative about everyone.  Some even feel safety in “expressing” their true negativity to those who are closest because it is their true vulnerability.
  2. UNDERSTAND that FEAR is the root of their negativity, their control, their criticism, their projecting and their contempt. YOU CANNOT CHANGE A NEGATIVE PERSON’S MINDSET – SO DON’T TRY.  Trying to change them will drain YOU and only YOU, and can create greater challenges and conflicts.  Understand that they FEAR being disrespected, not being loved and they fear the world as being a dangerous or unjust place.
  3. HAVE COMPASSION for them by trying to wear their brain for a moment or through a situation. Can you even begin to imagine what it must FEEL like to be bombarded with negative thoughts all day every day?  A negative person’s energy is really a place he or she cannot escape and if YOU absorb it or take it personally, you suffer with them.  Just listen, but do not respond to them in any capacity or fall prey to their controlling and negative mindset.  Do not feed it.  Doing so can have an opposite impact in that they make believe YOU ARE TRYING to change them.  Even if you agree with their negativity, just listen to their rants.
  4. TREAT THEM LIKE AN ADULT AND MAKE THEM RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN NEGATIVITY. Don’t “blame” them for being negative, but rather, when they begin to infiltrate your safe space, act like a grownup yourself and take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for YOUR happiness.  This is one of the most challenging components because we TRY to say “I am not happy because so-in-so did this to me”.    You create your own happiness.  Do this by
    1. Pursuing your own dreams, not in a “fuck you I’m doing my own thing whether you like it or not” manner, but in a way that still allows you to be who you are and want to be without stonewalling them or cutting them out.
    2. Take risks. Do things differently.
    3. Build trusting relationships with those who MATTER. Stop making relationships with know takers and purveyors of drama and negativity.
    4. Own your choices, even if the negative person tries to make a negative response towards your choices (ie….they tell you that you SAID something WRONG when you spoke truth for YOU and from your own space).

Negativity can destroy people and relationships.  It can be a cause for addictions, depression, emotional struggles and the inadvertent removal of another’s SHINE.

I’m not suggesting that life is rainbows and butterflies, but what I am suggesting is that those who DEAL with negative people must know and understand their OWN BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS:

Being treated with respect

Ability to freely and without judgment express your OWN feelings, wants and opinions

Set your own priorities

Say NO without guilt

Get what you pay for

Have an opinion DIFFERENT than others

Protect SELF and take care of SELF from THREATS of physical, mental or emotional HARM

Create our OWN happiness

Just LIVE!