PMS??? The UN-Gendered Truth about Moodiness

I’m going to jump right in on this one.  I’ve watched too many ‘moody’ people in my life create situations forcing me into silence or conflict because ‘they’ were triggered into a mood swing.

Women are often  targeted as being ‘TOO’ of so many things, having negative labels attached to them anytime they speak up or speak out.

« You are too…..sensitive, moody, emotional, easily offended, serious….too, uh, girly? «

Just recently, I answered a gentleman’s  question regarding his helping the homeless and I was erroneously labeled a ‘bro’ because I didn’t respond exactly as a 3rd party male thought I ‘should’. When he realized I was a female, he felt the need to tell me I was just PMSing!

Aside from being a troll, his comment absolutely highlighted the commonality of female degradation, especially in terms of emotions and the expectations society has placed upon us as a gender.

Moods, emotions and feelings are actually normal responses for all humans, dictated by innate personality traits, experiences, chemical moments and upbringing.  It is only when one’s moodiness becomes so commonplace that it is an issue in need of self-reflection and work.

So, what exactly is moodiness?

I’ve never really been a ‘moody’ person in terms of going from one extreme to the other or shifting directions multiple times in one day. I mean, there are times when I experienced a mood shift, but it was usually directly linked to something identifiable, manifested slightly through a mild emotion or a facial expression and almost always short lived.

Looking back, there were times where I was a bit more ‘on edge’ or even prone to a collapse of emotions, but again, there was a single identifiable and overwhelming event, issue or factor in my life, usually created by someone else’s actions, that caused this temporary internal shift.  I just didn’t wake up and feel ‘moody’.

A mood, by definition, is simply an emotional state of being.  It can be a positive or a negative shift in energies

Normal moods are often not extreme or intense, and are not sudden in change or dramatic shifts, especially in the absence of situations such as death or loss.  They also don’t present in a pattern, whether it’s several shifts a day or in any other situational pattern like transitioning from a group to being with immediate family or particular people.

Shifts in energy are often part of the colors of what makes us human and unique!!!

Those who exist in states of what is seen as beyond momentarily CRANKY (a crumudgeon) may be suffering from underlying issues attributed to physiological and / or mental factors.

These shifts can be noted as being:

INTENSE or EXTREME, DRAMATIC, SUDDEN, DISPROPORTIONATE, OFTEN, NEGATIVE (leave others feeling hurt or leave a mess).

Example: When you are having a calm conversation with your boss one minute and then they become irritated, even volatile the next minute over minor stimuli, change in discussion or even perceived change, especially if this shift creates a feeling inside of you like being fearful of speaking so as not to cause them additional ire.

Irritable or easily agitated individuals are moody people and for definition purposes, irritability is a type of mood.  Chronic irritability is a ‘sign’ of underlying issues

Mood swings!

A mood swing is an ‘extreme’ shift in mood.  They are often caused by a physiological or environmental trigger such as hormonal imbalances, low levels of neurotransmitters in the brain,, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, alcohol, drug and medicstion addictions, ADHD, epilepsy, dementia, PTSD, Schitzophrenia and Autism.

Mood swings can also be an indication of severe depression or even bipolar disorder, which is a shift between extremes such as a mind that races through possibilities and is optimistic one moment and then irritated and angry at everyone and everything the next without any normal external forces such as sudden death in the family, marital issues, or job loss.

It is said that over half of all Americans with Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depressive) are undiagnosed or unaware.  Mood swings are or can be eradic and range between grandiose self-esteem or confidence, a mind full of ideas, talking loud or being loud, volunteering or taking on tasks to becoming easily agitated,  dismissive, amped up (loud), irritable especially with close family and even angry.

As with all feedback we receive from our own instinct, moodiness is simply another way to remind us that something is off, whether temporarily or at a deeper level.  It’s not innately BAD, but rather a reflection of where we may need to focus on healing and understanding within ourselves and with others.

Going inside the self.

Looking at our sleep patterns is one quick way to self-check when we are being irritable or checked out from others.  Some folks become easily agitated when they are fatigued in the mind or in the body.  Hunger or digestive issues can also be a trigger for moodiness in both normal folks and those with underlying issues.  Think ‘Hangry’!

Other triggers may be a hormonal imbalance due to illness, menses/menopause, stress, aging, medications and nutrition.  Stress itself, certain places (grocery stores, malls, crowds), sudden loss, anxiety, fear and worry can also trigger moodiness and even mood swings in those who suffer from deeper issues.

Addiction issues such as alcohol, drug, gambling or other addictions can be quite tricky to attend to, especially when coming off the ‘high’.  However, they are never a valid excuse to treat others poorly.

For some, a quick nap or a snack or even a 15-minute meditation can restore balance to the psyche.  Personally, when I feel a shift in energies, I like to ground in nature or write. Knowing yourself is key.

Conversely, dealing with another’s moods can leave you feeling quite drained, abandoned and emotional yourself. Moody people do not realize how difficult it can be on those who are impacted collaterally and can even misinterpret another’s avoidance or silence for something completely different.

People who are around moody individuals are often forced into silence and master the art of treading lightly, or risk major conflict over the smallest of events and even deal with meltdowns, tantrums and being ‘cut off’ by the moody individual.

When I encounter the moods of others, I a am accommodating and empathetic at first.  If a kind word or gesture doesn’t help (rejection, greater irritability, sarcasm, slamming/banging etc), I often self-protect through shielding, redirection or simply by being silent.  If all else fails, I will leave the room if possible, so as not to disturb the individual (eggshell seeking).

Moodiness is part of who we are as humans, but intense shifts that generate hurtful energies or forced silence is not ok.  The fact that women are disproportionately rendered as the masters of moods only highlights the ignorance in understanding what moods are actually about, how they are triggered, their deeper connection and how constant levels can create harm.

Men are just as likely to suffer moods, mood swings and physiological, chemical and mental issues that cause them.  A meltdown over laundry or dishes is not about the laundry or dishes.

Before you break out the gender label maker, educate yourself!

 

HUMOR: The “not so funny” side

Humor is the spice of life!

Where would we be without a good laugh every now and then, right?

Both mental health and medical professionals prescribe it for health issues, families use it to lighten the mood of conflict and even babies naturally engage in it over the most simplistic encounters.

Personally, I love a childlike or witty sense of humor, where fun-loving playful acts are used to create a light hearted and fun experience.  Fun jokes fit for the target audience, playful actions and banter and comical media that serves to leave one with a sense of happiness and joy are some of the best types of humor running!

As a general rule, women and those who identify with more female traits tend to lean towards a more appropriate level of light and fun humor and enjoy the individuals who “make them laugh”, even seeking a romantic mate who accomplishes this, while males and the more masculine women tend towards the crude and sexual types of humor generally used to deflect or create a more “shock-based” response.  For men and “she-bros”, its all about the attention of the joke.  Masculine types do not generally seek romantic connections with others who use this type of humor because of its subconscious threat level.

But what happens when it is used as a source of degradation, humiliation and outright sarcastic meanness?  When plausible deniability is the basis for underlying emotion harm?  What happens when the attempts at humor are targeted to leave one or more feeling devalued or worthless as a person?

The most common type of negative humor used is “making fun” of others.  Although it is often deemed innocent or playful, this type of humor can create great harm. Making fun of a person is the flip-side of healthy humor.  In essence, it is bullying another in such a manner that the witnesses of this type of humor actually feel compelled to participate.

Teasing, name-calling, picking on, sarcastic comments, ridicule, gender-based statements geared at undermining a ‘whole’ group and a general bringing to light an individual’s flaws, actions or emotions as a means of eliciting a good laugh are all types of ‘making-fun’.

Often times, these deflections  hold a double-meaning in that the purveyor is hoping to bring harm to the subject, especially if they are deemed as a threat, to exert their own superiority and status, and even in attempt to force behavioral or belief change.

Making fun is a way to exert one’s opinion and belief system as the dominant opinion without coming across as a direct asshole.  Unfortunately, once the pattern is recognized, they come across as a direct asshole and a bully.

You see this type of humor a lot when it comes to more mean-spirited people, controlling individuals and narcissistics, and it can be found in both genders equally.

A direct example would be when a group of males make fun of women who are not physically appealing, overweight or disproportionate.  This behavior is typically executed in direct conversation, text messages and even social media comments or images geared to draw attention to a persons ‘perceived’ flaws (spider veins, overweight body, big thighs, skinny legs etc.) and can often be seen or heard in family gatherings and public places like gyms, grocery stores and the mall.

Making fun of people, especially when directed repetitiously at a specific person or type of person, is anything BUT humor and it reveals a very deep emotional issue within the jokester in need of healing.

Another type of common negative humor is the low-vibrational type that involves sexual innuendos and crude sexual connections…you know, the person that makes everything about sex no matter if it’s through vulgarity, jingles and even using sex content to dumb down common words or phrases.

Sex humor comes in many forms, but it typically uses sex or sexual innuendos as a basis for degrading or lessening the value of a person or place.  It is often used in situations where people feel comfortable or are looking to lift themselves up or generate attention that will bring them approval and is most often found in masculine personalities or where the patriarchal traits evolve.

Even though sex humor can seem benign, it is often viewed through many eyes and filters and not only can it deeply harm individuals on an emotional level, but it can serve as a further catalyst for humiliation, abuse and even crimes against certain groups or individuals.

An example of this type of humor would be group texting pictures of genitals on an overweight person or of a drunk and vulnerable individual, making fun of them or turning even the simplest of phrases into sexual words.  A more common type is making fun of women who stand up for certain rights as women and become the target of feminism jokes.

People who use a lot of sexual humor typically come from a space of deep sexual insecurity, issues or trauma, or have been sexually humiliated at some point in their lives, even held to rigid sexual standards or expectation.  Otherwise, they are generally just childish emotionally, even undeveloped or immature in specific areas of the brain.

Lets have a gander at the differences in humor, being punch-line based or non-sense based, which is more non-punchline or without a resolution and how the latter, especially in sexual humor, has a tendency towards those with mental health issues.

if we look upon the sexual-nonsense humor, on the other hand, it is not related to conservatism, but seems to be preferred by disinhibited, sensation-seeking, hedonistic, permissive and both interested and experienced in sex individuals (Hehl and Ruch 1990).

Close kin to sexual humor is the less common but equally appalling expression of crude humor.

Crude humor uses disease, disgust, blood and guts, feces and other over-the-top images, jokes, actions/pranks and comments to elicit a shocking response, which is typically uncomfortable laughter or outright disgust.

Often, the prankster has a history of emotionally immaturity and is looking more for a response from their target rather than intentional harm.  It’s all about the level of response, as if to up the ante of an already funny situation.

Examples might include texting pictures of your bathroom toilet contents before flushing, laughing at people who accidentally pee, leak blood or pass gas during exercise, posting picture of diabetic ulcers, sexually transmitted diseases and even dead people. More commonly and accepted examples would be videos that use senseless deaths through accidents as a source of entertainment.

People who engage in this shock and awe style of humor are really not trying to be funny as much as they are trying to make others uncomfortable, which is where they derive a sadistic sort of humorous pleasure.

People who are a constant clown, engaging in these negative humors are often deeply impacted by unresolved childhood and past issues.  They may use humor as a tool to control themselves and others, or draw a sense of pleasure from creating negativity in others lives.

The main thing about humor is that it speaks VOLUMES about the true individual you are deep inside and where your brain and intellect are primarily focused.

A joke is not a joke.

 

BREAKING TRADITION: The Rest of the Story Thanksgiving 2017

Upon realizing that the journey WAS indeed the joy of life’s adventures, we fully understood that it was also the portal to happiness and the foundation for harmony.  No plans.  No reservations.  No one.  No place.  No time.

Due to the TRADITION of the holiday, we found ourselves in a fairly despot situation in terms of food and things to do.  Therefore, we decided to “get lost” and see where the universe led us.  First stop was Bottomless Lake, which was more like a still mirror set deep into the dessert, reflecting the images of the moment and creating a grandness unlike any man-made or commercial site could accomplish.

From the vantage point of the jagged cliffs of quartz that appeared more like broken glass under the spell of the sun, both the Viking and the Apache were able to deeply ground and draw clarity and appreciation for all we could see.  It was also from here we saw our NEXT destination:  Sierra Blanca Mountains.

Our day-long drive revealed some of the most spectacular displays of polarity expressed by our divine Gaia herself.  Sharp ridges and hills transformed into flowing dessert mountains dotted with green balls of life and then suddenly, gave rise to golden-leaf giants shedding their summer clothing to make way for the coming chill.  The further we drove, the greener it became, with tall pine forested mountains shutting out the once burning dessert sun.

After a much deserved buffet for Thanksgiving, and some good old-fashioned communication, we found a remote area next to a stream in deeply set in between two large peaks to pitch our tent and make home for the night.  I remember thinking “no one knows we are here…except for the wildlife…and we have no way to contact anyone if indeed we need them”.  The best hotel ever.

On Day 3, we awoke with the alarm clock of nature.  Hawks and eagles screeching their morning sounds; crunching of old burned pines; steady ripples of the cold clear stream.  The Apache wanted to experience the peak and so he kissed his Viking goodbye and began his hike to solitude and clarity (a space I was able to find next to the stream as the sun rose over the pines).

After a quick pack-up, we drove up the narrow and winding two-lane road to the top of the mountain at just under 12,000 ft.  The drive included multiple stops for photos and the breathing in of the breath-taking views.

The top, or peak, uncovered a highly commercialized and what both the Apache and myself termed as a “raping” of nature, known ironically as Ski Apache.  We departed quickly.

Our next stop would be in town, Ruidoso, for a bite to eat and a gathering of “next stop” thoughts…Alamogordo for some unknown hiking experiences.  We traveled through the Apache Indian Reservation, which was my tertiary experience involving the “res”.  What I saw from the highway was a similar state of what an inner city ghetto looked like – graffiti, trash in the yards, shanty homes with expensive or “decked out” cars and other remnants of self-inflicted poverty.  My Apache explained to me the primary lifestyle and hierarchical status of the reservation to help me better understand the conditions I witnessed.  Sad, really, because behind the mess was one of the most gorgeous mountains of nature I had ever seen – the Apu energy was strong and kind!

Mountains transformed into canyons and pines gave way to tumbleweeds as we descended from one pole to another.  We had almost felt we had made a mistake, with the Apache sending out vibes of disappointment with the conditions of the location and its “lack” of adventure. I even felt a sense of guilt for making the suggestion.  We drove up to Oliver Lee Memorial State Park and once again, we uncovered a hidden gem that satisfied the Apache’s sense of adventure and relieved my own worries that I had made a suggestion of would be disappointment.  I call it the road less traveled.

From the dessert flats, the canyon heights were powerful!  We were able to hike a lush tropical gorge deeply set into a dessert canyon mountain full of time-smoothed boulders and lush green ferns and in the same day, hike to the top of the dusty and thorny mountain and witness both the gorge from astounding heights and a dessert sunset like none other!  We were led to our perch by our Spirit Guide, the Hawk and The Viking and the Apache sat on top of the world, feet dangling over the gorge taking in the richness of the earth and its poles.  The polarities were unbelievable in terms of flora and fauna.

The lows are not always sadness and disappointments.  Sometimes you can find the richest of moments in the most unlikely or darkest spaces.  In an instant, it was blackened to nothingness, almost a dark gratification, and from there, we made our way back to where we started to see what tomorrow would reveal.