What a Relationship Looks Like From Truth

The relationship of truth was not something we actually consciously sought out. It was something that just happened.

When we first met, have had noticed me briefly, but thought I had fake boobs. He wanted nothing to do with a fake woman. He had been married to one and felt they were too high maintenance with all their financial leaks, spending money on outfits, injections, peels, microbladed brows, lashes not to mention the purses, shoes, jewelry and makeup to go with!

He never gave me a second look based on his first impression. He didn’t know me.

The first time I saw him, I didn’t even notice him. I told him to ‘stand behind the line’ at an even where he was breaking the rules of the crowd. I saw him a second time at a gym and thought, this guy is a pig like all the guys he hangs around with; a womanizer because all he can talk about is this chick or that.

I rejected his dinner invite because I thought he was like the jerk I had just dumped a few months prior…the gym rat ‘dude’ who thought biceps and the ‘open’ were more important than life itself spending his time with his ‘bros’ watching football, the super bowl, sitting at the bar drinking or playing golf, talking about a man cave and the flirting, cheating lifestyle most of those men had.

I ran away from him fast and even thought him an overall loser. I didn’t know him.

When we finally met in person, we talked. We discovered that our external perception of each other was a far cry from the truth. We began to see that neither of us was correct in our initial assessment. His view of me was hedged by a single video on YouTube of me performing a GetUp with a 50 pound dumbbell wearing two tank tops and a push-up bra, giving the illusion of fake boobs. My view of him was hedged by a conversation he was having about some chick sleeping at his house, even though the whole story was that he let her crash at his house and he slept on the couch because he had no attraction to her except as a sister; plus she was, in his words, a controlling narcissistic woman.

So we began talking on the phone. A lot.

I discovered he was different. He was lost in a town with a bunch of ‘bro-tards’ whose only goal or drive was smoking cigars, drinking whisky at veteran groups, big egos, cheating coaches and those men ogling of the barely 17 yo athletes and waitresses as a potential bang, even though these men were all married!

He had been in a dysfunctional marriage where day drinking and pure drunkenness was encouraged. He hung out with drunks, cheats, liars and egotistical people and their drunk, even fake or enabling wives.

He got wrapped up in the groups Harley Davidson groups and the CrossFit groups and even the evangelical church groups, and hated it! He had gone down a path of allowing this because he felt ‘stuck’. He felt odd and that he had to assimilate in order to be accepted. He had to acquiesce to others buying his clothes and telling him how he should act and behave, telling him he needed to go to church, but then encouraging the drinking and partying lifestyle and being unethical!

He thought he found his love in the church but she was a cheating whore. He thought he found his love in a woman he met, but she was fake and controlling and physically abusive. He thought he found his love in alcohol, but that drove him into a dark vortex of destruction.

He was not happy and turned to the booze himself to escape his being told he needed to be someone else. It allowed him to fit in better, even though it created resentment from his own son, conflict in his relationships and landed him the label ‘The Angry Apache’ by those who supposedly were his friends.

He often clung to ‘weirdos’ or the broken people who were already toxic or on the cusp of being toxic because he was trying to get out of the shit of the bro-tarded world he had gotten stuck in. He was NOT a bro-tard, but more like the water boy and jock-strap guy for them.

He supported them. He paid for their booze, their parties, their events and even their gym memberships! He hosted and held events for them at his own home and showed up to theirs because he wanted to be a part of something.
He was trying to understand why this toxicity was so difficult and yet it’s what sucked him in!

IF you were lucky enough to know him in truth, and you are someone he actually respected, then you know his stand about the picture of him and me on the RIGHT, regarding proprietary certifications and credentials.

This image is reflective of HIM fighting his EGO and healing himself to become his truth. It shows him healing the weaknesses and ego trips of the others! It shows him saying ‘I don’t require your validation because you are just a weak pawn if a system of beliefs; a purveyor of fanaticism’.

But that story is for another time.

Me, I had dated a guy for close to 6 years. I had thought of building a dream and having my own gym so began seeking another path to freedom. I had a Masters Degree, a great career and all the benefits of working for the ‘system’. But I was unhappy at a soul level.

I sought out fitness and teamed up with my boyfriend, who was going to love me forever, right? But the dream quickly became me as a puppy dog following its owner, and was in reality my boyfriends dream.

I tried hard to be all that my boyfriend wanted in a girlfriend and a business companion. He was always on the phone with me. I mean, any free time I had from work like lunch or driving home, he wanted to be on the phone so he could ultimately control my actions.

I couldn’t eat by myself, grocery shop by myself, go to a fitness certification by myself or even shower or bathe by myself.

At first, the attention was great having come off of a marriage where I had been absolutely neglected and ignored. The people around me were like ‘he’s so sweet and attentive’. But the attention became a platform for conflict and was often twisted back onto me with him raging over small things I missed.

People loved him and never saw the dark and abusive side of him, as he was always helping others and was shy and obedient. He had a ‘noble’ job and women pined over him because he had ripped abs and was ‘cute’.

In the gym, we had a lot of women clients, most of which weren’t interested in the ‘little man’. There were some weird interactions, but if I spoke about them, he would SCREAM and get CRAZY, even rage.

God forbid I ever dress like those ladies either them because he called them all whores, with their back tats and hoop earrings… but this was his way of manipulating me to THINK he was not interested and what I saw was not real.

I learned to shut down and just observe….he had several violent physical outbursts, but never touched me until the one time. Each year together, the control got worse and these violent outbursts got worse. His harem of women fans got bigger too.

Periodically, I stood up to him and those where the WORST moments. I became the ‘crazy’ one. I was stuck in a classic gaslighting relationship with a narcissist and had two choices. To acquiesce fully or to leave.

I hit my apex when I discovered he had been using Aderol as his ‘legal’ methadone in order to get ripped abs. He was addicted to meth and had a 30+ year history of selling and using meth. He had even been in the federal prison for dealing meth and had a history of rage and violence such that he had a nickname for it.

He worked for the local sheriff and court house, and ran the victim information network responsible for notifying protected victims when their violent criminal perpetrators were released, but that’s what HE WAS! A violent criminal.

He had also hacked my entire life electronically and monitored my every conversation at work, at home, and from my phone. Monitored my electronic thumbprint and monitored my clothing, my schedule and everything I did. Even texts and emails. I cannot imagine the outcome had I been engaged in something ‘wrong’ or unethical! But it was him reflecting upon himself because these were the things he was doing to me….lying, flirting, cheating.

After the ambulance was called from me finally standing up to his abuse and deceit, the police officer took him out of his own house. He then looked at me, even though the officer was a friend of his because of his job, and said:

“you know what’s next….he will not stop and we will probably take you away in a paddy wagon the next time”

This stuck deep. I made my exit and never looked back. I lost all of my ‘so called’ friends who I had coached and developed relationships with. I lost my gym. I lost my job that he had orchestrated in order to get me closer to him to control me. I was at rock bottom.

I was done with men altogether! Especially egotistical, muscle-focused, attentions seeking, drug using men who played coy, cute, charismatic or gave gifts! I couldn’t have been more traumatized by a situation and that clouded my perception of everyone and everything.

So our adventure together began as nothing more than a hiking partner, because we both were put off by egotistical, fake, materialistic, controlling, addicted people. Predictable and distracted people who needed stuff and groups were the LAST people we wanted around us.

We never dated. We just spent time together. We married one another during our healing process, both of us recovering from trauma, because we both knew this relationship was the one to reflect back onto us all of our own insecurities and force us to heal. It was the truth relationship.

Last night in our marriage bed, he whispered to me as he held me close:

I love you baby. You saved me from THAT life and THOSE people. You saved me from myself.

My dog helped me get through the hard times by loving me unconditionally when I was clinging to the ego and got so drunk I couldn’t function, but YOU came in and loved me for ME. You dragged me away from the toxic sludge of that life and those who capitalized on my generosity and shyness. You got me away from the opinionated and fake illusion, and all that I had created to compensate for this illusion and yiu loved me through my healing.

You helped me rid myself of the rotten apples so that I could just be me. I finally get to be who I am.

I know that most people cannot say that. There are a few but most people have to hide who they are. They have to drink, medicate, eat, get involved with groups and other practices in order to mask their deep inner truth! They make themselves FIT with the wrong people.

The shoe that just doesn’t fit. The shoe that rubs a horrible blister every single time you wear it. The shoe that looks good but has no functional purpose to the journey.

He did the same for me. He still shows me today what a man of integrity looks like. He’s transparent, even if it means I get a little upset. He tells me anything that he knows could potentially cross my boundaries; anything he knows that I would be hurt over….all the conversations he has with others!

He’s helped me learn to trust, which we aren’t 100% there BUT I have been able to heal from the abuse and control of the past and the toxic sludge both in his world and mine.

He encouraged me to build my own gym after we set the dream to work together like we once did. One day soon, we will work full time together and we will live our dream as a husband and wife dream team with me coaching women and him, men.

He only took the fitness certification to prove to the ‘bros’ he could do it! To prove to the masses that he wasn’t the idiot they tried to make him out to be. To throw in their face he could. To show them they weren’t all that great.

He wasn’t prepared to fail this test either! And his perspective shifted when he was faced with a weakness of others; a reflection of someone who was enamored with his ‘cujture’ and had no strength in coaching. It took 3 tries as he had to pass it to prove he could.

But today and always, he has been a behind the scenes guy and speaks this as his place.

I support him if that’s what he wants. He doesn’t want to be a leader or a head coach, although if put in a mixed class, he feels a strong pull to be in control. This is why he set his ego aside to let me be who I am and he wants ME to be in charge of that world.

This is a huge milestone for him. So I am now the owner and decision maker of our endeavor. He lets me be and supports me. He will take on clients again soon and will own that side of our business. But all things in time.

He is grateful to me when I can show him the truth of people, as I sense energies of people that even they may not yet see. I sense those who will become toxic to him, us or my life. I sense those who are toxic for other non-toxic people in our life and this is the challenge for their life is theirs.

He has eradicated so many toxic people from his life, and continues to do so.

In fact, there aren’t many people for which he has respect. A handful at most. But you would never know this because he is fair and not unkind. Cross him or his boundaries, and you will see a very different side of him; a relentless fearless warrior. A young girl witnessed this yesterday as she got smart mouthed and edgy with my mother. He stood up and spoke with calm, clear energy. An energy that even the worst would fear. And the girl did. She feared his wrath.

I am grateful for him for helping me shed my own fears and trust my intuition about people and situations.

The only conflicts we have anymore is when someone else crosses his or my boundary and we differ in how to handle it.

Mostly, people show their true self eventually so he lets them show themselves in their drama. They eventually act stupid and he puts them in their place.

Me? I speak up and say ‘this is NOT right’ to you as a man or a human, to me as your support or a human, and as a husband and wife team. He always does the right thing for us and this is the beauty of a relationship as it should be.

Anyway….I’ve been ‘schooled’ by folks for being too long-winded in my writings or saying things they don’t like or agree with etc etc etc. I don’t really care about their opinions. This isn’t for them. Except to say 🖕🖕🖕if they don’t like it.

Today I want to honor the energy of all spousal connections and healing.

Undoing the toxic things and connecting to the beauty of what brings you joy in your partner! The integrity necessary in a healthy relationship. The sacredness of a partnership in the most intimate ways. The healing of the practices we use to cling to in order to fit in or protect ourselves from past traumas. The ability to stand by your spouse and let them be who they are intended to be and support them in their skills they bring to the partnership.

Being able to set down the drink, to set down the fear, to put aside our own selfish triggers, to stop being silent and learning to speak what we need in a situation without anger and yelling or control….these are the moments I celebrate.

I would marry this man 1000x over because HE is the only man I have ever met who is honest and lives in integrity.

He will always do what is fair and just. He doesn’t cut corners. He knows his value and doesn’t need to be an egotistical attention-seeking asshole who is in charge of everything.

He encourages ME to be who I am.

I celebrate the growth and expansion of Jupiter and the love of Venus every time I reflect upon our marriage. It’s why we don’t have couples friends, because it’s often someone who is either stuck on the narcissistic end of the spectrum or the one who is defeated and whipped and can no longer be the human they were intended. It’s emotionally straining for us to have to shield our own bliss.

Toxic couples or those with shallow happenings and absent intimacy….we simply cannot relate.

Every day is a day of love to the man I would choose again and again and again. To the only man I SEE in mind, body, spirit. To the man I would fearlessly SLAY beside and whom I stay capable for!

I’m a badass because a true warrior doesn’t want a damsel in distress to drag him down. He needs a fearless and ruthless bitch who will stand up for what is RIGHT and TRUE, not what feels warm and fuzzy.

*BTW the left photo is what happens when you don’t look at nutrition and eat McDonald’s every day even if you work out. It’s what acquiescing to the groupthink, the party and the concert life gets you.

Dad bod! It was this moment he realized he suffered from a debilitating and deadly disease due to alcohol and poor lifestyle choices. It was here the toxicity of people and wearing shoes that don’t fit you just to be liked, getting credentials just because someone else makes you feel less than, hanging out and communicating with humans who are not your people, but a reflection of your self-destruction…that he began to shift and change.

Here is to all the relationships that defy society and help us grow into better humans full of honesty, integrity and compassion.


Pedophilia: Mental Illness vs Sexual Orientation

I’ve been seeing a recent surge of social media posts regarding the discovery of child sex trafficking rings that, honestly, have been operating underground and in droves for decades. Moreover, there are correlated stories of the super-financially powerful and politically influential participants being linked to these sexually driven, abusive and torturous rings.

Actors, singers, Presidents, both past and present, religious leaders, CEOs of major companies, especially tech companies and other powerful leaders of services and goods are being ‘called out’ and identified by victims, exiled peers and other individuals and groups somehow affiliated with these horrific operations and experiences.

There are more and more folks being linked in part or whole to these toxic groups, providing some form of coverup to the entire operation. Not to mention those who are paid-off or receive direct benefits for helping gain access to these children, sedation and kidnapping of these children and furthering the successful operation of these underground rings.

You see these individuals in photographs in stories covered by the paparazzi at parties or gatherings, most known as FUNDRAISERS. Situated close or with their arms around the ring kingpin or sometimes in close conversation at some other event. Their names pop up on flight logs to these elitist funded places and gatherings. It’s horrifyingly disgusting at minimum, and yet many turn a blind eye to its existence. Surprised or ignoring its presence. Even ignoring the fact that the victims are trying to come forward, but are being silenced by the news media.

My experience with news media is that mainstream portals of news are the most watched and followed, but are hedged and share one story how they are instructed to share it. They aren’t purveyors of free speech, but rather, purveyors of brainwashing and ignorant messages….to keep you in the dark.

The information about these children and the responsible contributors? It isn’t hidden. It’s available in documents being released by courts. It’s being shared in the tales and stories of the terrorized victims who managed to escape and who continue to be terrorized by the minions of these groups. It’s being revealed through the accounts shared by the children or young actors and actresses who were hedged, controlled and manipulated, sharing detail after detail. It is as prevalent and almost openly accepted, even guarded, just like the billions of modern day sex cults we see abroad using the same techniques and tactics, only with legally consenting adults.

No matter where these individuals fit on the spectrum of horror, they are directly responsible for the torture, abuse, trafficking and sexual assault of children across the globe.

So what exactly is going on?

You are witnessing the mainstream discovery of an ancient practice. You are seeing the polarity of energies and the selling of one’s soul to the darkness. The shadow energy that has been giving its ‘blessing’ and offering its protection and success through the participation of thousands of political, legal, financial, corporate and religious leaders alike, making it ‘ACCEPTABLE’.

In reality, it is the DARKEST of ALL DARKNESS! An underground ring of hierarchies involved and participating in pedophilia, rape, torture, kidnapping, prostitution, creation/distribution /access/selling of pornography, online solicitation and sales of children and sexual favors, online bride services, massage services and the probability of the murder of these children.

Your very own governmentally-funded scholars in academia, supported and sponsored by medical professionals, technical giants, university gurus and financial kingpins, have surmised and agreed that pedophilia is simply a sexual orientation, just like homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality. A lifestyle. A preference. Although it’s not listed in diagnostic literature as such, this belief is gaining popularity globally as being something the world population needs to learn to manage and accept.

On a very personal note…NOT in a million years will I embrace pedophilia in any capacity, whether it’s a pedophile who practices abstinence or otherwise! We as a country seem to give greater publicity to the abuse and torture of animals…a part of sexual mental health disease…and focus on outcry than we do to the human race!

One of the organizations available that supports pedophiles and advocates that pedophilia is a lifestyle where the individual can continue to have normal healthy intimate, legal and sexual relationships by managing their arousals, The Blue Angel Association or L’ange Bleu published this statement:

…we always say at the Blue Angel, the key for a pedophile to move forward is accepting who he is without judgement, learning to manage his sexuality safely, and exploring his emotions freely.

Pedophiles need love too seems to be the vibe or the message here! And this assessment has been and continues to be enabled through a slow ‘hedging’ and the desensitization of society by flooding the globe with the energy to openly embrace and accept all sexual orientations. And yet, they lump into this umbrella of lifestyle pedophilia because it’s alleged to be psychologically validated, so it’s got to be okay, right?

The key here is respect! Not embracing or accepting, and certainly NOT agreeing with something you don’t agree with. We all have a right to like or dislike and believe in or not believe in what we choose to. This is our innate right from birth. I possess the right to choose what legal lifestyle practices I wish to align myself with and stand for those practices.

That also means I must respect someone else’s right to the same as well. It’s that simple. However, if their so-called right involves crimes against humanity and illegal activities, I do not have to respect any aspect of it! If I am aware of this behavior, then it is my duty as a human to speak up and out.

Otherwise, live and let live.

Although the ‘thought police’ I am not and addressing the simple fact that pedophiles are sexually aroused by the ‘thoughts’ of children of all ages seems to be the distorted information feeding the actors, the enablers, the protectors and the supporters of this horrific sexual abuse and torture ring.

Through the understanding of simple universal laws, thoughts create our reality. The more energy put into thought, the greater the chance of creation. Some call it the Law of Attraction, but in reality it is studied and implemented in many ways by many individuals to create the energy for accessing what you want.

Energy and creation show a high probability of the simple thoughts affiliated with these toxic, abusive and dangerous obsessions becoming ACTIONS.

The argument that it’s just ‘thoughts’ gives power to these leaders and rings. Power that a desensitized and demoralized society learns over time, one person at a time, either by ignoring or by embracing, succumbs to and embraces. The reality created by thoughts known as the acts involved with pedophilia ARE criminal in nature and involve the safety and well-being of an innocent child!

So embrace pedophilia as a lifestyle, I will not. Other lifestyles don’t involve crimes against humanity by their sheer existence!

Pedophilia is often ignored by the masses and by society as a whole. They ignore the fact these same medical, psychiatric and science-based organizations who support this lifestyle acceptance are often hedged and influenced by the financial kingpins, academic influencers and government leaders through donations, sponsorships, events and other means of acceptance, funding and protection. The people of this great planet continue to support, hide, protect and live in complete ignorance about both pedophilia and all illegal sexual behaviors against children.

It’s all interconnected. A web of personal responsibility and true ignorance.

So then to answer the questions what is going on IS this web is being discovered and the celebrities, politicians, priests, police, military, CEOs, university leaders, musicians, teachers, lobbyists, philanthropists and financial kingpins are suddenly being singled out and identified. The result of this identification is serving as a profound divisive energy, creating more ignorance and often misguided blame towards one side, as well as the untimely deaths being listed as self-inflicted to hide truth, the disappearance of religious leaders, royal family members and other figureheads who were in the news quite frequently.

The dark energy of PARAPHILIA

Although you hear about pedophilia as the driving force behind this evil darkness, the MENTAL HEALTH DIAGNOSTIC bible used by the accredited, peer-reviewed and governmentally backed organizations actually defines the behavior affiliated with the aforementioned web in a very different light.

PARAPHILIA, or disorders where an individual becomes sexually aroused, and often ACTING on these arousals, by certain activities, items or behaviors, is an umbrella term that includes:

*Pedophilia -aroused by thoughts, acts and images of children 13 yo and younger

*Exhibitionism -aroused by showing oneself and their sexual organs to others (Flashers)

*Fettishism -aroused by non-living objects (shoes)

*Frotteuyerism -aroused by sexually touching or rubbing up against unwilling, non-consenting or unable to legally consent individuals (Japanese train system)

*Sexual masochism -arousal by the suffering, pain and humiliation to oneself inflicted by oneself or inflicted by others (choked during sex or masturbation)

*Sadism -arousal by severe pain inflicted upon and terrorizing non-consenting individuals (bull-whipping others)

*Transvestism -heterosexual individuals who are sexually aroused by dressing in the clothing, undergarments and other accoutrements such as makeup and wigs, of the opposite gender

*Voyeurism -arousal by watching naked individuals or by watching others engaging in sexual activities (pornography, stalking or peeping tom)

*Paraphilia NOS -arousal caused by behaviors that do not fit the above specifics, such as necrophiliacs (sexual activity with dead bodies), obscene phone callers, zoophilia (sexual activity with animals, such as donkeys), those individuals who are aroused by urine, feces, enemas, electro-shock to their genitals, and even aroused by isolated parts of the body such as feet or hands or even the age-related waddle under one’s chin.

This is not made up. It’s REAL and exists both in people you may know or have been in a relationship with, but certainly in secrecy and in underground support networks around the WORLD.

I have been exposed to this dark energy, both as a child victim and as an adult victim, and it is horrifying and very real. The psychological impacts are great, not to mention the terror, manipulative abuse and physical, mental, emotional and spiritual torture that is endured!

What’s the difference between just being a sexual weirdo and having a full fledged disorder?

The key difference between someone possessing weird or odd, and sometimes gross, sexual behaviors such as being aroused by cross-dressing or engaging in sadistic sex through BDSM and someone with PARAPHILIAC Disorders is that PARAPHILIAC Disorders create DISTRESS in the individual’s life and/or in the lives of others involved with him or her, or it involves behaviors against non-consenting or those not LEGALLY able to consent (children and teens, mentally impaired, animals, innocent victims who are exposed to someone else’s genitals).

Distress is really any issue, albeit causing conflict in a marriage or behavior that creates issues at work such as violating computer usage policy or I.T. employees installing cameras in bathrooms. In some instances, it creates vulnerability within family structures, especially if it involves a spouse or offspring and can cause severe financial struggles.

Paraphilic behaviors are typically performed in secrecy, which is a direct violation to any healthy relationship and in many instances, they are the portal to or directly involve illegal activities such as visiting illegal websites, often through payment, obtaining illegal mediums for pleasure or getting involved in payment for sex /prostitution rings.

Although THOUGHTS themselves are not crimes, these are often clear indications of something much darker and more sinister in terms of paraphilic disorders.

What’s worse is that our very own society continually attempts to NORMALIZE many of these behaviors by slowing hedging and desensitizing the population on what would be previously classified as weird sexual behaviors.

So how then, is pedophilia and it’s affiliated behaviors deemed a lifestyle?

Let’s start with the normalization of sexual abuse and the sexualization and objectification of all individuals.

For some folks, continuous patterns of sexually based humor is a clear indication that underlying sexual issues are likely present. As we move through more and more electronic mediums, sexually based humor is easily spread. This includes sexual memes and jokes of a sexual nature, especially those intended to make fun of or sexually humiliate a certain individual or a group. It can also involve those who constantly want to talk about sex, sexual objectification and sexual behaviors.

Personal story. Following a horrific and terrifying experience, where my ex-boyfriend slammed my head into a concrete floor, leaving me with a moderate concussion and a serious ‘wake-up’ discussion with a very kind and concerned police officer who arrived on scene about how this would likely escalate to my own death the next time, I left the relationship.

A woman I knew and whom I had trusted with my own vulnerabilities on many accounts; one who actually advocated for abusive men in other scenarios of abuse but I overlooked, sent my ex a very derogatory and explicitly sexual Internet meme in an attempt to make fun of me. It was as if her contribution, support and loyalty to him for almost killing me was to make fun of me sexually.

Her intention was to sexually humiliate another individual. Sexually bullying at its finest.

This type of behavior is very common amongst those who suffer with their own sexual issues, albeit mental issues or just weird or unhealthy practices and beliefs. However, it is more common in men than women.

This type of normalization is actually one way society desensitizes and demoralizes itself from the atrocities of sexual abuse, sexual trauma and even sexual behaviors that are genuine RED flags of identity for other serious underlying mental issues.

When a sex joke or sexual image of a young woman, even where the question exists: is she 16 or is she 19….is passed around, this brings out the defenders of the sexual media. The supporters and purveyors. The dark ones. It’s like identification markers.

Moreover, you cannot even perform services or operate an online business or presence without someone spamming your business with inappropriate sexual content.

Your text

Your email

Your YouTube channel

Your instant messenger

These are all subject to links and videos attempting to lure in the sick, mentally ill and perverse.

We’ve had it happen in our own business in emails, both our business and personal texts and even other forms of media. I mean, even today, I receive at lest once a week some mass text to 10-20 individuals in my area code solicitation for sex and loneliness with some young girl. I report them to the provider of service, but corporations and techno-giants are PART of the desensitization process. They lose out financially if these practices go away.

It’s the very reason you will find supportive FB pages for those looking for child sexual activity BUT you will be shut down or silenced for anything politically derogatory against those who support these child sex rings.

Unfortunately, there are so many out there who are sexually ill and who have mental health issues relative to these sexual illnesses and traumas that the market continues to thrive by feeding them.

Furthermore, you have thousands of liberal artists and playwrights skirting the edge, sometimes crossing it, with images and sexual objectification, playing down sexual trauma and sexual activities.

This was recently exemplified and brought to light over a European playwright who brought in elementary school-aged (8-9 years old) children to ‘teach’ them about the act of sex by having them watch two naked adults simulate sex on stage as part of his play.

It’s all out there and it’s all part of normalizing what is really bizarre, sketchy and contributing to creating a sense of ‘lifestyle’.

Hedging a society to normalize sexual objectification, normalize bizarre sexual thoughts and portal behaviors as long as ‘no one knows’ or as long as it’s in secret and doesn’t cause distress to anyone and indoctrinating people with overly liberal sexual views and behaviors and desensitizing children to the act of sex itself is all part of the why and how this has gotten to where it has.

Fact: Up to 3/4 of all American children have been exposed to The act of sex and sexual behaviors before the age of 13 years old, the age of pedophilia!

So what exactly is PEDOPHILIA?

Pedophilia Disorder is a toxic and harmful psychological issue.

As defined in the most recent diagnostic criteria, it is any individual who is a minimum of 16 yo and is sexually aroused, has sexual fantasies, sexual urges and sexual desires towards a child who is 13 years old or younger. For teens aged 16-17, there must be 5 year difference in age. For example, the 16 yo has these thoughts or even actions towards a child 11 yo or younger.

It is also imperative that in order to be classified as a pedophile, the individual must have these arousals, thoughts, desires, urges and/or fantasies for >6 months.

If an individual acts out on these thoughts, fantasies, urges or desires, then they are classified a pedophile regardless of thoughts.

Moreover, if these thoughts, arousals, fantasies, desires etc. cause distress, extreme sorrow, pain, anxiety or other distress to the individual having them, their loved ones, employers, others OR causes Illegal behaviors as defined by the law, it is also said to be pedophilia.

It should be known that the ‘health experts’ are working diligently to EXPAND the definition to include HEBAPHILIA, or an attraction to children going through puberty, although it doesn’t currently define it as such.

Behaviors and traits of pedophiles and their victims

Aside from the diagnostics criteria, pedophiles and the terrifying and sick pedophilic behaviors are quite cut and dry.

*Hypersexual adults who target children opportunistically

*abusive adolescents between the ages of 16-18 who molest or rape younger children

*anyone 16 or older who acts impulsively under the influence of alcohol or drugs

Although many victims of these behaviors are silenced by threats, both physical or emotional, and bribes based upon vulnerability, the vast majority of actual reported sexual abuse victims are between the ages of 12-17. Many victims never get their voice of torture ever heard because the families and the system silence them!

By diagnostic criteria alone, most of these victims are NOT put under the definition of pedophilia, but rather EPHEBOPHILIA, which is a sexual preference for those adolescents who have gone through puberty between the ages of 14-19. Again, this is part of normalizing weird and harmful sexual practices. This is NOT classified as a diagnosis or mental health issue, although in the United States, depending upon the state law, anyone 17 and under is defined as a minor and those who are 18 and older can be charged with statutory RAPE for sexual encounters.

There is NO crime or diagnostic criteria that prevents the consensual sexual activity between any individuals 18 yo and older. However, non-consensual behaviors, false imprisonment, RAPE, stalking and sexual harassment are all crimes that are applicable to these situations.

In terms of behaviors, MOST pedophiles are about exposing themselves to their victims, masturbating in front of their victims and touching their victims sexually. Jeffrey Epstein was a very real and recent example of a true pedophile, based on the age of some of his victims and his behaviors during the interaction with these children. He was an exhibitionist, voyeur, ephebophiliac and pedophile, not to mention criminally entrenched in the system of support for child sex rings.

Less common behaviors, but still prevalent is that these children experience oral, anal or vaginal penetration, all of which is also defined as RAPE.

Who are the pedophiles?

The demographics of a pedophile is pretty much cut and dry as well:

*Almost ALL pedophiles are MEN (94-99%).

*Almost ALL pedophiles are someone known to the victim and often trusted and/or who knows the family patterns (coach, teacher, stepparent or parent, grandparent, guardian, pastor/priest, babysitter, friend of sibling, sibling etc).

*Over HALF of all pedophiles have have mood disorders such as anxiety, depression, manic or chronic irritability or have personality disorders such as Narcissism or NPD, bipolar disorder or Machiavellianism.

*Up to 70% of pedophiles have other forms of PARAPHILIA, such as VOYEURISM, TRANSVESTISM, EXHIBITIONISM or SADISM.

*Up to 40% of pedophiles are homosexual towards their victims, even if they are also attracted to ADULTS in a heterosexual orientation or have a heterosexual adult relationship or marriage.

Can a pedophile be successfully treated?

According to the United State’s authority on psychiatric disorders and mental health issues, there is currently NO KNOWN TREATMENT for pedophilia.

Even though there are BEHAVIORAL THERAPY protocols to allegedly lessen their ‘urges’ available to those seeking help or who are forced into getting help due to discovery or even court order, more than HALF of those busted for pedophile will act on their urges AGAIN. This is called recidivism.

It’s been concluded that 1/4 of diagnosed heterosexual pedophiles and 1/2 of homosexual pedophiles will commit more incidents of pedophilia, following a 25 year study.

The operations of a pedophile

Pedophiles HEDGE their victims and use opportunities, whether sudden or hedged, as a means of access. The opportunities are often presented by knowing the family operations or by watching the child in certain activities. They use their position in the family, career or group leadership (youth director, CPS, Boy Scout leader, martial arts instructor etc) as a means to gain access these children. Youth directors and church officials are often seen as SAFE people for children, but the reality is they are perfect positions for pedophiles!

They manipulate and lure children to them in some way, possibly with promises of money, treats or gifts, then desensitize the children to sexual stimulus over time by talking about sex and sexual activities, sharing sexual memes, jokes, pictures, videos and even showing them sexual implements and tools.

This is a pattern to gradually lower a child’s guard and shift their understanding of INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR (which can only be taught). This is why it is IMPERATIVE to talk to YOUNG children about what is NOT OKAY for others to talk to them, show them or even touch them NO MATTER WHO it is. This is a common area of ignorance and a major problem because parents and organizations will often profile strangers and stranger danger, but never talk to them about mom’s boyfriend, grandpa or other family members.

From here, the pedophile escalates the inappropriate behaviors into the acts mentioned above, and sometimes into rape, sexual torture and even murder.

This process is often EASY for a pedophile because they are almost always a family friend, family member, trusted leader (sports, kids group, church etc), friendly neighbor, coach, clergymen or someone else who is around the child regularly, sees the child regularly and knows the family patterns.

Usually, the signs are there and the children may try to tell a trusted adult, but it’s very difficult for a 5-year old to find the words to tell if they haven’t been told what is inappropriate or given words to use. Not to mention, there are children who are already in abusive or neglectful families and operate under fear and shame on a regular basis. They have no one who they see as safe.

When caught or confronted, Pedophiles often justify their inappropriate behavior by claims that the CHILD wanted to explore, the CHILD seduced them by action or the way they dressed OR that the CHILD wanted and enjoyed the experience.

It is these very justifications and mindsets that lend to an apparent LACK OF EMPATHY, especially towards the child victim, showing a high probability of the pedophile also having a narcissistic tendency, NPD or antisocial personality disorder association.

The availability of the INTERNET and TECHNOLOGY in the hands of children such as phones, kindles, computers and social media access has a correlative impact on the access pedophiles have to their potential victims. Parents and guardians mindlessly hand over their devices to babysit their children. This provides access.

Some examples:

Coaches and teachers texting children directly or even hedging the parents.

Children being allowed access to social media (Instagram, FB, vine, Tiktoc) accounts and groups, often unknown to parents

Private messaging on the above accounts, on gaming systems and even on phones

Private email accounts

Access to children by pedophiles is not hidden. Those innocent children who have been kidnapped, who are runaways, whose parents and guardians sell their children for money/drugs and those who have already been trafficked by a ring operating with a front (a restaurant or nail salon, illegal aliens, mail order brides) are readily accessible on many sales sites such as FB Marketplace, Craig’s List and other more esoteric mediums.

In fact, FaceBook actually allows private groups and expressions that FEED pedophilic lifestyles and yet, silences political viewpoints and medical perspectives on treatments regarding the current viral situation plaguing the globe! I’ve personally reported multiple very young Illegal girls who solicit sex on FB Marketplace.

Both sellers and buyers use CODES and encrypted images to create a seemingly legal transaction. In fact, there are children who have survived and been able to tell their horrific stories of escape and what they endured.

The Internet has also become a support network for pedophilia, providing groups including social media groups that teach pedophiles and sexual predators HOW to avoid getting caught. This contributes to the normalization of these crimes against children and mental issues. These support networks also have deep underground internet links (ie…the dark web) that the common users would never suspect.

Many communities, cities and affiliated legal systems attempt to reintegrate these Untreatable likely to do it again pedophilic registered sexual offenders back into our community neighborhoods. All part of normalization. However, you CAN FIND THEM ON WEBSITES like watchdog and see the convictions and the age group, as well as their currently known address.

Unfortunately, these are just the ones who have been caught, discovered or busted!

It is my understanding from the information that the government, medical community and affiliated groups are collectively attempting to normalize these sexual mental illnesses, even classifying them as a lifestyle.

Even though there is NO treatment available and the chances they will do it AGAIN is extremely high (based upon those who are actually caught and/ or diagnosed), these same groups and entities continue to placate and dismiss these mentally ill individuals with a slap on the hand or by overlooking the simple signs that exist.

The judicial system is on their side. The legal system is on their side. The media is on their side. The political and medical system is on their side. The masses are on their side because, they too are too invested in the structure that supports these sick individuals.

Human trafficking through Asian nail salons, massage houses and restaurants.

Human trafficking by mail order brides.

Human trafficking of runaways.

Human trafficking for celebrities and their consumption.

Human trafficking illegals across the border at very young ages, working as housekeepers and restaurant workers and desperately trying to get out of these abusive structures.

Human trafficking. Period.

This web has existed for a long, long time. The issue is that more light is being brought TO IT, discovering child actors suffering sexual trauma and have told their story or committed suicide as a result. A prime example of this is the story of Brittney Spears, a child sex object that has shared her story and the masses have humiliated her, dehumanized her, made fun of her in memes or social media posts, supported her personal prison that her dad keeps her in as part of the normalization of the sexual abuse she endured and who is now deemed as crazy, an unfit parent and who is held captive.

Conversely, the parallel lives created by individuals like Epstein and Michael Jackson used to keep children held captive and for their own personal and private secret ‘adventures’ where one powerful and influential individual was vilified AFTER he was caught, and the other, his crimes long forgotten because he was a great musician and media sources covered up his activities.

Pedophilia is NOT normal. It’s not ok. It’s an untreatable and very horrible mental illness of extreme and very harmful proportions. The harm it does is a forever harm, in that it is deemed shameful to even talk about it or share one’s story. Victims are continually vilified because they threaten to EXPOSE the web.

I was a victim of pedophilia. I am not alone and I personally know of hundreds who have been victims as well. I’ve talked to grown men and women who have suffered the traumas of pedophilia.

Their stories silent because they do not want to shame their family or because pressure from other family members try to shame and humiliate victims if they do speak out; because they are brainwashed to let it go…it’s the past.

Movies to watch that share truth:

The Captive


I Am Still Here

Lovely Bones

It’s a toxic and destructive, potentially fatal, criminal mental illness for which there is no treatment. It’s not a lifestyle.

It’s a death style and it must be stopped, not embraced!


Off-Grid What Where Why When How: A WWOOFers Perspective

We recently released a video about our experience with WWOOF, where we discussed all angles of our journey. If you haven’t watched it, we highly recommend it if you are seeking options and opportunities for learning a self-sustaining lifestyle.

But what I’m sharing today are some of the answers to questions that many have asked, and some have yet to ask.

You see, months ago, we shared with you our excitement about going off-grid and helping someone else with their mountain ranch. We talked about how we would be living on their land and learning new skills. In fact, it was going to be all about firsts for us in terms of experiences.

So, here we are several months later.

First of all, WHAT is off-grid?

It’s living in an area that does not have gridded utilities available and therefore, you have to supply your own utility sources. Cell phone, wifi and internet are not part of the definition, however there are some folks who live so remote off the grid, they have limited or NO access to these things.

HOW did we get off-grid?

We found an opportunity on the WWOOF site after spending time researching different farms and hosts.


WWOOF stands for World Wide Organization of Organic Farmers and is a place where farm owners, ranchers, homesteaders and land owners list ads for people to come and help them with their land to either share skills, teach a trade, take in free labor for projects and even provide retreat or commune type environments. The time frame can be for a few days to years and can include your children and, or pets depending upon the location. These landowners, or hosts, live all over the world and run anything from small personal plots of land to mega-million dollar ranches.

Different hosts provide different forms of payment or trade for work completed. Most offer 2-3 meals a day, or at a minimum of staple provisions such as meat, grains and vegetables from the garden. Most provide a place to live, either fully detached from the host or within their living quarters but some require you to bring your own ‘home’, such as an RV or trailer. These living conditions are often very primal when provided and are NOT necessarily intended for those who are seeking the amenities of normal homes.

Others offer additional means of payment, which may be access to produce to sell or working with non-advertised parts of the farm for personal use. Some have work hours congruent with daylight during the normal week where you work in tandem with others, some regular employees, while others just ask that you work on the projects they give you and manage the land as things require attention. I’ve actually seen a few they have very rigid schedules and require the wwoofers to be vegan and practice in group yoga and meditation (NOT something my husband and I even gave a consideration).

Essentially, this organization matches work needed with work offered for a trade. We paid for a membership which costs just under $70. The greatest takeaway is that YOU as the individual seeking work must do your due diligence in ensuring you ask all of the questions and the host member must do theirs to ensure they are crystal clear on the expectations and jobs they are asking folks to do.

There are so many horror stories about people showing up and being treated like indentured slaves. In fact, we watched one review of a young man who was essentially held hostage on the land and forced to shovel dog shit his entire time (NOT in the job description!!!!) and when a fellow wwoofer arrived, a female, the host told her she could do all his cooking and cleaning! She lasted 2 days and the guy stuck it out for a couple of weeks.

However, there are more stories of learning and skill acquisition than horror stories!

WHY did we decide to go?

That is a question we have answered countless times! From strangers to immediate family, when a person cannot process the freedoms of others, they start asking WHY. They become so bogged down with their own expectations they attach expected outcomes and behaviors, either vocally or energetically, to those doing it different.

We decided to make this journey because we were tired of dealing with people, noise, fake, visual clutter and the heat associated with living a ‘normal’ city life. Running two full-time businesses, maintaining a house that was really more of a motel-6 for which we had to play maid and maintenance and dealing with the governance of our lives dictated by others had taken its toll!

In one of our parting videos explaining our exit strategy, we had to pause because of an obnoxious mustang engine drowning out all sounds of nature. A perfect and timely example of what we were leaving.

In our town, my husband was tired of having to encounter the low-vibration and shallow communication of people and we were both tired of their demands, expectations and infiltrations into our space creating disharmony and conflict. People from his past walking into our home expecting, no DEMANDING he provide them with services became the norm and he was tired.

I was tired of the motorcycles jamming up my peace and loud neighbors having parties interrupting my sleep. I was tired of people staying past their welcome and bringing their agendas and conflicts into my space, creating conflicts for me and my spouse. I was tired of having to tell people to act appropriately!

The town we lived in was void of any natural beauty or resources. There was no recreation, no industry and no beautiful scenery to balance out the toxic and ignorant people. There were a handful of folks who we adored BUT they weren’t going to stay there forever and they had their own lives to live. The heat of the area was so excessive, with 8 months of stifling repressive baking and with the lack of nature, this migrated into the evening hours.

I mean, you couldn’t escape outdoors if you wanted to! I became depressed and actually suffered SAD in the summer months. Go figure. The energy of the town was toxic to our souls. We knew we needed to leave. He had planned on leaving about a decade prior to us getting married but the expectations of others held him back. Only once we began putting our minds to change did we begin to see that we deserved better.

HOW did we know we were ready?

This is a question that cannot be answered externally. Only YOU know if YOU are ready and willing. We had a person ask us this question who was a single mom with many kids and honestly, her question spawned some pretty harsh answers that are reality!

You are ready when you are ready. That’s it.

Do you have skills to live off of the grid? Do you have resources? Do you live a toxic lifestyle full of chemicals and medicines? Do you live a life of ill-health? Can you do auto maintenance? Can you repair roofs and fences? Can you run cattle off of the land? Can you chop wood and use a chainsaw? Can you carry water? I mean…the questions of capability are endless!!!!

We were ready, capable and knowledgeable. We were tired of dealing with droves of ignorant people and their baggage, their inappropriate interactions and their time-sucking behaviors. We minimized our life, sold off junk and created a lifestyle conducive to opportunity.

We knew once the opportunity presented itself, we were ready.

WHERE to go?

WWOOFing is a world-wide organization so our options were endless. However, our reality was that neither of us had passports to leave the country (imagine that…you aren’t really FREE if you have to pay for and apply for permission to travel, not to mention the crazy information and exact process you must follow just to get accepted!!!) and although I had an expired passport, my husband was not going to participate in another governmental song and dance performance of control!

We traveled a bit and had explored areas and climates we enjoyed. We knew we hated heat and we were tired of humid hot oppressive summers. We also knew -70 winters were not motivating! We drew a line across the middle part of the US and said HERE!!! We will live anywhere across HERE.

Our Choices of Places to GO!!!!

So we looked on a map of the United States.

Therefore, when the opportunity, the region and the perfect match for us as a husband and wife based on what we desired appeared, we were able to take it.

HOW did you select the perfect match?

A perfect match is really a fantasy. No marriages are fairy tale so what’s to make someone believe they have found the perfect opportunity? What is perfect, anyway? It’s a highly subjective unattainable marker for judgment and expectation!

So for us, we were looking for an opportunity that fit our MUSTS HAVES, our boundaries and possibly some of our extras or bonus exchanges.

We had responded to 3-4 dozen farms on the WWOOFing sight, some responding and some not. This occurred after ferreting through hundreds of profiles and opportunities. It was easy to mark off of our list the options that did not appeal to us.

This included using filters to remove things like:

Animal work only (Some livestock ok, but mostly interested in self sustaining food animals and work affiliated)

Desert environments

Southern tier environments

Vegans only (We eat meat. We love meat)

Rigid schedules or 7 day workweek

Mandatory daily meetings/practices/commune (No cults. No communes. No controlling hosts. No requirements to hedge us. Live and let live experiences only)

Taking care of domestic animals (NOT looking to take care of dogs or cats etc. Food source animals were a yes).

Islands/land locked

Outside of the US

Harsh climates or extreme cold or heat

Short term commitments (We needed long-term optimally 2-3 years)

No pets allowed (Our dog is our family)

Allowed kids (We aren’t kid friendly!)

Didn’t provide separate lodging (we weren’t interested in living IN the host’s home…we wanted to maintain our separate life as a married couple)

Didn’t provide food

Required health insurance

Long workdays (We were looking for 4 hours a day 5 days a week to compensate for a small living space and some food).

Had other employees on site or required socializing on a regular basis (Not looking for communal arrangements)

We wanted to work on building projects and some gardening. We were open to some small livestock, such as goats, chickens, meat rabbits or a single dairy cow. We wanted to be in a temperate climate. We wanted to take care of basic functional maintenance, assist or build project structures and grow food.

We were hopeful we would learn skills, knowledge and wisdom affiliated with off-grid remote lifestyles either directly through personal first-time experience OR being taught from the wisdom of the experienced.

Some of the respondents were tacky, sketchy and even omissive energetically. We knew they were NOT for us. There were a handful of legitimate opportunities that appealed to us. One in particular that we felt drawn to in terms of our needs and desires.

A husband and wife team living off grid part time who needed a husband and wife team to take care of their off grid property when they were gone (maintenance) while fulfilling a few project requirements for self-sustainability (chicken coop, chickens, green house, raised beds, teepee, winter wood, fencing repair and water line maintenance) showed up in our filtered suggestions. Their ad had been on the site for a long time so we reached out.

Within 6 months, we had spoken on the phone a few times, took a 5 day trip to their property to meet and experience what life would look like during one of the harsh seasons and had a conversation about what to expect.

After private discussions on both ends, we set a date for 5 months away. We closed our businesses. Sold off all of our material possessions minus a few necessary items including furniture, business equipment, appliances and everything we had that did not conform to an off-grid life.

And that is how we selected our hosts.

WHAT has the experience been like?

Because we are still living on their property, I cannot summarize the whole WWOOFing experiencing. What I can say is that it has been MORE than we could have ever imagined in terms of being what we wanted and needed.

The husband and wife team has their own life and needed a couple of self-starters to just jump in and start. They had their own business a few hours away and do not have the time to be present for us most of the time. We are blessed to have them accessible for questions and concerns, and of course for social opportunities when they are on property. They provided materials and an idea of what they want and we provided labor. There was also the opportunity for additional help in managing extra large projects. A win-win match 100%.

The hosts were super generous in terms of allowing us to live our life on their land as if it was ours as well. They opened their acreage and its resources to us, encouraging us to connect to all of the land as if it was part of us. The flowers, the animals, the food, the views and the magic!

They allowed us to document our experiences….and yes, we obtained permission before we committed and explained to them we maintained a vlog and blog. One of our first YouTube videos included our hosts (with their permission) in a very real off-grid experience that we could expect once we moved here full-time.

Of course, their privacy was of the utmost importance, so we hedged our experience slightly to prevent them from having to be identified. We had to use creative words both impromptu and in writing to maintain respect for their privacy. Respect was critical in this aspect.

The hosts have been generous with providing food such as greens, fruits and tea and some meats, as listed in the ad as well. Not that we are focused on an ad, but the fact they ARE WHO THEY SAY THEY ARE was total refreshment in light of some of the reviews and experiences other wwoofers had put out there.

Our arrangement as project builders and caretakers is working beautifully and we have been here 3 full months! We have 98% accomplished two projects and are approximately 75% done with the third, all of which were specifically listed in the advertisement.

The work is not easy, but we knew that coming in. Patiences and adaptation are the two major aspects of the experience. However, it is FULLY rewarding and the stresses are very little in comparison to city life! We’ve learned many new skills, had many new experiences and have grown as a couple exponentially!!!! And we are still growing, learning, adapting and experiencing.

We live remotely and minimalistically. We stay dirty and happy, like little children. Our belly’s are full. Our hearts are open. Our muscles are activated.

We aren’t missing out on anything.

HOW do you live?

Like everyone else!

We brought our own solar panels to provide electricity for the minimal needs we have. We boil water for heated needs and we have a filter for our drinking needs. We use an outhouse, but I have a chamber pot for nighttime. We haul our trash to the dump once every few weeks. We bathe from a bowl in a sink, but have access to heated showers when the water system is flowing freely (weather and season dependent). We have some refrigeration and freezer access away from the cabin, so we can purchase limited amounts of bulk meats and store them. This allows us to have access to some cold items. Cooking in the summer is on a propane stove we brought with us. In the winter, we have a wood stove that serves as our heater and a small oven as well.

Growing food is a little more challenging because of water access, soil and wildlife. However, as part of our journey, we are absolutely learning the ins and outs of the growing process and have implemented many strategies…some that are effective, and some that are not. As soon as we finish the green house project, we will be able to extend the growing experience not only by length BUT as a means to prevent many external attacks on the crops themselves.

We live perfectly and have everything we NEED.

WHEN do you rest?

We have the opportunity to rest and enjoy the land daily. Because our hosts are generous of heart and giving of resources, we are able to sit after a day’s work and absorb the beauty. We can nap if we desire. We can take a day or three to get away and enjoy some of the opportunities of the local or nearby area.

We have taken a few day trips just to enjoy the beauty of the area and some local ice cream! Those experiences will only grow as my husband and I feel more confident with being able to break away and explore nature both off the property and on.

HOW do you generate income for food and incidentals?

This is different for everyone. As part of exiting mainstream society, we had to exit mainstream income sources. I run an online fitness and wellness business that provides enough income for frugal necessities. The only bills we have are auto insurance and cell service.

I am still growing my online business and we are expanding our online presence through YouTube, Podcasts, Instagram, Facebook and even our WordPress Blog. Three months ago, we didn’t have the presence we have today. It’s a full-time effort on my part to ensure we are generating income so often times, I am working on our business while he is working on a project. Patience and adaptation!

Those are the highlights of our WWOOFING experience and our transition into the off-grid life.

If you have followed our journey since day one, you will know we live on someone else’s property and are experiencing so many firsts at the gratitude of our hosts who openly and generously share their land and resources with us.

As a WWOOFer, I would say the experience is not cookie cutter and there are many horror stories on both sides of the coin involving WWOOFers. It’s imperative to know your limits, expectations and needs prior to even reaching out to a potential WWOOFer or host.

The beauty is that when matched as closely as possible, the opportunity becomes a pleasant experience and one they opens doorways for personal growth.

We don’t know how long we will be here, but the commitment to long-term is part of our agreement. We are learning skills that will help us once we purchase our own property as well as learning the resources of the land and how we will deal with different environments and situations.

If you are exploring options for making the leap to off-grid, I would recommend adding the WWOOFing website to your energies of exploration.

It’s been a beautiful marriage for us this far and the gains have been exponential!


OFF-GRID LIFE MONTH ONE: Adaptation and Patience

We made it through the first four weeks off-grid and the experiences have been far more abundant than I could ever have expected. You see, I didn’t come into this lifestyle with a preconceived ideal or a rigid set of outcomes of what I believed things would be.

Honestly, do we ever really know the exact outcome or result of any experience? If you do, you are one who is accurately capable of predicting the future and I hope you have developed your gift to help others, and even yourself!

But for nearly every human on the planet, the truth is you can plan and plan, only to have the rug pulled out from under you in a split second. Beautiful outdoor weddings undone by bad weather, family vacations and travel thwarted by a global pandemic and spring cleaning postponed due to a family emergency.

Nothing is set in stone and no one knows the outcome.

That has been the reality of our first month, in that we have been able to identify the pattern that nothing has a timeline or a pattern and through patience, we adapt.

I awoke this morning to the twenty-seventh mountain-view sunrise full of accomplishment and gratitude within my soul. We have been here a full month, but the other wake-ups were to a thick, white and fluffy blanket of snow under the gray mountain sky and one beautiful, but fog-filled mountain valley.

But today, there is only the sound of silence and the roar of the river with her powerful waterfall just feet below the cabin. A waterfall of my very own not meant to share with any other except the animals taking a drinking nearby.

It’s still too early for the birds and is the time I prefer to reflect and gather my thoughts for the upcoming day and what potential it holds. However, it is also the time of looking back and holding gratitude for my encounters, my lessons and experiences.

What experiences have I had in just four small weeks? What things have I accomplished that I never imagined doing? What senses have I engaged that seemed to lay dormant under the of the polluted and overpopulated city?

It has been an overflowing cup of abundance in terms of the senses and experiences. From the construction of our first ever chicken-coop, to planting seeds and gardening, to being snowed in for a few days all the way down to basic chores and hygiene.

In these few weeks, I have witnessed the transformation of nature’s beauty from her sleepy winter state to the hearty unearthing of tender life just below the surface. In fact, i’ve witnessed both life and death of plant life as my own experimentation with my carefully transported garden plants resulted in a few dying in just one night’s hard freeze.

You see, where I am, no weather located can provide accurate temperatures and as part of my journey, I’ve discovered we are often 10-20 degrees cooler than our nearest weather pin.

My potato did not make it, even though every ounce of energy when into trying to keep her safe. From the bouncing around of the roads, to ensuring she had water and sunshine and even some first aid after my husband threw a blanket across the backseat of the truck, ripping her beautiful flowered stems completely off! Unless you are attune with plant life and energy, it may be difficult for you to relate.

However, the early blooms of my very first experience with Daffodils and Tulips, in spite of the heavy snow, brought renewed hope and a sense of respect for the land and its divine timing. Adapting and patience!

Before we departed from Texas

What did our ancestors do without the luxury of online purchases and pre-manufactured greenhouses?

They were very patient and respected the land.

Zone 5 blooms at 9,000 ft early April

So in all my lessons thus far, let’s not abandon the very reality of nature’s own bounty and understanding the natural life that grows and flows whether or not we as humans give it any credit. With the discovery of mugwort, yarrow, wild tart grape, nettle, mullein, burdock, wild rose (rose hips), choke cherry, wild dandelion, plums and so much more, the living earth provided for tummy aches, earaches, asthma, nosebleeds, wounds, allergies, antiseptic, digestion, vitamins, antioxidants and so much more!

Not to mention the benefits of things like beeswax, royal jelly, bee pollen and propolis, found on our first experience with bee hives, where the busy workers give us honey and pollinate our flowers for more growth and more abundance.

All things provide abundance in their own order and divine timing. Not in ours. I’m living from the land and learning how our ancestors did it without PayPal and Amazon; without Lowe’s or Walmart’s gardens center! They didn’t have bags of enriched soil or pretty pavers. They couldn’t rush out to purchase faux-fertilized plants full of toxic growth chemicals to help them get ‘bigger’ or produce ‘greater yields’. They used what they had, just as I am learning, and taking the knowledge from their mistakes.

I was able to start seeds in recycled pots in a shed alongside our blossoming baby chicks, cold weather produce such as cauliflower, Brussels, broccoli, endive, escarole, turnips, radicchio, celery and a host of herbs!

Into the ground, I was able to seed radishes, short carrots, spinach, lettuce, kale, beets and peas. And my new potatoes, I am patiently awaiting for their first breath of green, being patient as I find myself under the spell of envy and analysis paralysis of what others might say about them.

Let the planting begin!

Our small walkway garden

The primary mountain water source finally broke free from its slow-snow dormant state, which means not only a hot shower very soon (something I haven’t experienced in a month), but the natural gravity-driven irrigation system for our soon to be ‘big garden’, as it gave us the ‘green light’ to till and plant on the land.

During our month, there have been a host of required and non-essential accomplishments as well. We completed a stone flower bed for our greens, rock lined walkway leading to our humble abode and even rock balcony to alleviate some of the mud from the run-off and the snow melt, of which required the rocks to be individually extracted from the earth and carried down the mountain to our cabin.

We also completed our first ever chicken coop build and successfully transitioned our first batch of baby chicks into their new home.

The challenges of using reclaimed and old wood were something we could have never anticipated. No fancy laser level could have ever made this perfect! Not to mention, building on a mountain slope and trying to measure and level twisted, notched and warped boards.

I even scaled the structure and attached the metal sheeting to my own personal accomplishment, as my minor issue with heights was conquered!

Chicken-coop mid construction

Have you ever climbed a ladder on the side of a mountain where level and stability isn’t a reality?

We now have 19 babies, some are around 5 weeks and some 3 weeks, requiring our daily attention. Waking up and doing early morning checks, pulling them into the cabin if temperatures threaten and even socializing with them to connect and provide trust and security.

Coming inside for a cooler night

The delays and adaptations dictated by nature, materials and the construction projects all revealed that I HAVE NO TIMELINE or schedule! It taught me to patient.

I’m not on the clock 9-5! I’m on the clock 24-7. With certain elemental experiences telling me when to sit and when to work.

This week, we will actually begin our greenhouse build.

A 40 foot structure constructed of 2x4s, trees, cinderblocks and greenhouse grade sheeting that will be constructed by a team of two. A structure that has to withstand constant heavy winds and snow! We aren’t living in the flatlands or in a farming area, but again, on the side of a mountain slope in zone 5, full of ponderosa pines, spruce, rocks and of course, rich blue skies!

Our terrain and view

No paid help or contractors. Just us two and our ‘mad’ skills; skills of experimentation and adjustment!

You know, that being said, we have found that even the ‘so-called’ experts of advice have zero part in our own discovery. Well, maybe a tiny lesson here and there about a natural workaround, but that’s it.

We have found that it’s a piece by piece experience of ‘what next’, versus someone who ‘successfully constructed’ a similar structure telling you what to do next!

The truth is that no one really knows and it’s all about their journey. All of the irrelevant advice and input, its aplenty if you let it be!

Their manure is an excellent fertilization for LIFE…so we let others expel their opinions, two-cents and beliefs without any interest or even the rewards of responding. It’s their advice and their journey. We have ours.

From a personal vantage point, the first month has been a bit of an adjustment. Being in total silence 99% of the time is not what many folks believe it to be. NOR is it what I had believed it would be either.

I absolutely love not having a TV, a radio or hearing any sound at all except for my running river and the roar of the waterfall!

My husband and I don’t have much to talk about anymore. Not so much out of boredom with one another, but out of peace because our experiences are all about living in the moment. When we talk, it’s about the NOW or the view or the discovery.

There are times when he may be on a rant about how other folks are living their lives or where I me be trying to be playful with him when he’s needing focus or he’s in his head. But these are far less now that we aren’t discussing the ignorance of the customers who called that day or the computer delays and the reboots and the emails!

We just work side by side without words most of the time, except ‘hand me the drill and the screws’! Sometimes, we work solo on different projects. We just absorb the light, the sun and the gratitude of being in one another’s presence either physically or on the same land.

This was challenging at first because I love conversation. I’ve always been able to talk to my son or others in my life that I spent time with. I didn’t realize that one on one solitude would be so, well, Silent! There is a part of me who fantasizes about him asking me my input and genuinely listening, or sitting in bed every morning discussing all the things we are grateful for or even being playful as we work side by side! There is a part of me deep within that wants him to say ‘you aren’t walking that far alone out here’, to be my protector or to say ‘let’s get you a guard dog who is loyal to you’.

BUT….those are my own fleeting expectations and there is literally nothing to discuss. I guess not everything requires words. This is taking major adjustment for me in all honesty, but I am so grateful for the silence and the deeper connection to my husband that we didn’t have before.

Greater intimacy, more organic connections, deeper respect and an unconditional love and appreciation for the whole of him, his skills, his energy and his mind! Of course, he’s still my eye candy and I get more of that all to myself!

I see sooo many people complain about their spouses, bitching about their wives or husbands not being ‘on board’ with the off-grid life or not helpful or in alignment with off-gridding, and I think WOW, you chose them! What does that say about YOU?

Did you not know he was an angry person before you moved off grid? Did you not know she spent hours online each week shopping or at the salon? Did you not know they drank too much or had addictions and attachments to princess lifestyles, family/friends, materialism and intoxicants? I just don’t get this! But my journey is not theirs!

Being alone has taught me much about myself and how to overcome and heal. I’m so grateful for my spouse, my beloved, and his love of not talking because it has shown me that people really do waste too much time talking about unimportant things, gossip, negative crap, worries and such.

Talking is overrated for sure and it seems like a distraction from the beauty of deep connection and teamwork. As a side note, we have some extemporaneous human interaction weekly so that helps me as a woman and an individual who enjoys a deep and loving reciprocal conversation!

I’m beginning to see why this lifestyle should be implemented as a mandatory part of premarital counseling! Even for 3 months!

You get to see the RAW, ORGANIC reality of your CHOICE!

Pissing in the woods or on a bucket. The intestinal distress from eating too much cabbage or oatmeal! Not washing your hair for DAYS! Walking around naked, cleaning your ass from a bowl in the sink just inches from one another. Experiencing your menstruation cycle in a one room cabin!

No fake props or ideals there! No fake nails, fake hair or pretty smelling perfume to hide the fact that we all look the EXACT same sitting on a ‘Home Depot’ plastic bucket lined with plumber’s foam taking a dump!

And finally, the daily experiences are so vast that one can genuinely NOT develop a schedule in terms of rigidity.

We had ‘plans’ for Friday that were thwarted by the discovery that a local entitled old man who doesn’t even have land up here cut our fence because this state has open grazing laws. You cannot shoot livestock on your land, nor can you do anything to the person who put them on your land!

In other words, if joe cuts your fence and puts his cows on your property to graze, YOU are responsible for mending your own fence and removing the cattle from your property without harm. On 30 acres of mountain terrain, you won’t know it if you don’t walk the perimeter regularly!

An impromptu walk with our dog and another couple led to the discovery and the subsequent mending of the fence…a few additional hours of unforeseen labor.

Other things like weather, wild animals, resources, energy and even interrupted sleep can certainly get in the way of any plans. In fact, weather is the number one deciding factor in everything we’ve experienced thus far, specifically the extreme wind!

Have you ever cut and laid a tin roof in 60 mph gusts with just two people?We did and it requires the utmost safety and focus! People may offer advice and say ‘bake your own’ or ‘build a mud room’ or ‘take it to your local xyz and have it tested’ but they are ignorant to our unique situation and environment. Many of them pretend to be experts from their city life watching YouTube off-gridders or trying to insert their experience as a kid 60 years ago into our current life. I silently eye-roll and move on.

I’ve learned to take every single day as a present moment. To fully immerse myself into the existence of the current versus worrying about timelines and the what ifs.

I live for my morning coffee at sunrise, and the entire process of boiling water, pressing my one cup and sitting in total reflection. I am drawn to a full spectrum tears as I walk the perimeter and capture views of the landscape that NO ONE ELSE can see! I am greeted lovingly by our horses, our chickens and dogs, making the deepest most authentic connections that cannot be replicated in human to human contact.

I sat with the horse yesterday barefoot and petting her for half an hour non-stop! Talking and connecting and loving her in all of her organic beauty.


It may be chilly outside, but I walk barefoot and feel the earth between my toes. I sink my hands into the soil. I have splinters, bruises, burns and scratches from my authentic labor. Sometimes my body says NOT THIS HILL AGAIN, and sometimes it says BRING IT BITCHES!

I may feel lonely or alone some days, with the sense that I don’t want to do anything. I may want a hot shower instead of bowl bath on a cold cabin floor. I may wish my husband was wanting to chitchat with me or be more affectionate at times. But these are fleeting and I quickly immerse myself into the moment.

But after one full month in this raw, uncomplicated, yet laborious environment, I don’t understand how people EVER go back to the loud and superfluous, pedantic world that exists below us!

Each day is one step deeper into this beautiful experience….one simple moment at a time.

Relaxing with my beloved

CALORIES: Do They Count

Let’s Talk Calories!

Calories are ENERGY, which is the fuel found in food. Food being that which we place into our body via mouth and ingest. Calories allow us to move, perform, stay active and alert.

Calories fuel our engine!

Too few calories and we run out of gas. Too many, and we overflow, which is often stored as excess fat if not used up appropriately. The latter being a primary reason for excess body fat compositions.

Every single pill we ingest, every bite, taste, swig, pinch, lick and swallow has an affiliated amount of calories. So in essence, we obtain fuel not only by that which we sit down and consume, but through the seemingly insignificant ‘tastes’ as well.

Every few Saturdays, my husband and I love to eat breakfast tacos. It’s a treat for us. We use quality ingredients such as farm fresh cage-free eggs, organic whole wheat tortillas, organic goat cheese and uncured natural bacon.

But does the fact we choose quality ingredients mean our tacos have fewer calories than other breakfast tacos?

The answer is no.

In fact, our tacos have more calories than some common restaurant tacos, all ingredients held constant.

This is a common misconception amongst the general public, assuming quality organic foods somehow carry ‘fewer’ calories or are healthier, so they can be consumed in greater quantity! This is hardly the case.

Client after client, I hear this misconception and I see its reflection in body composition. Organic cookies somehow equate to being a healthier choice, and consumption of healthier choices is better especially in greater quantity?

When consuming high-quality, minimally processed or unprocessed foods, we must look in terms of our food choices AND calories:

*the type of fat (heart and brain healthy VS stroke and bad cholesterol level inducing)…saturated, unsaturated, trans-fat, omega 3,6,9 etc.

*amount of dietary fiber.

*amount of toxic chemicals and preservatives, which accumulate in the body and are linked to illness and inflammation.

*source of the food (whole VS processed), local or imported, farm raised or wild caught, stressed out or free, boxed or bulk, etc.

*nutrient density, which is the quantity of nutrition found in a serving.

Are we making a choice to run our engine on cheap gas, clogging our fuel lines and corroding our engines? If so, then what positives are we experiencing, especially if our vehicle is always in the shop for repair or worse, not running at all?

Conversely, are we choosing high quality fuels that, gallon per gallon may be a little more expensive, but enable us to run longer and much more efficiently with less damage?

There is a significant difference in a classic car that has sat in a junk yard for decades, stripped of all functionality and a classic car that has been cared for over the years and still running today!

Our Saturday Taco Fest is typically over by 11:30am in order to allow time to ‘burn off’ the calories consumed. Those calories fuel our activities for the day. Therefore, timing of calories is a valuable tool and is a pretty good indication of appropriate consumption as well.

What do I mean?

You wouldn’t want to go out for dinner and drinks, eating a heavily processed, carb-rich fatty dinner, full of toxic canola oils and other chemicals found in many restaurant foods then followed by alcoholic or sugary beverages, all to simply ‘go to bed’ afterwards!

Why? Because this is a sure-fire way to add inches to your belly! Not to mention, it prevents your body from performing the necessary sleep functions of healing, hormone function and full rest.


In comparing the calories found in food, I wanted to highlight some different breakfast tacos I found. All of the tacos are bacon and egg only, wrapped in a flour tortilla. Each calorie count below is per two tacos.

Popular fast food restaurant tacos

580 calories (for 2)

34 g fat (14 g saturated)

350 mg cholesterol

40 g carbs

2 g fiber

2 g sugar

24 g protein

Convenience store tacos

1080 calories (for 2)

50 g fat (14 g saturated)

122 g carbs

14 g fiber

4 g sugar

34 g protein

Drive through fast-food tacos

860 calories (for 2)

50 g fat (20 g saturated)

72 g carbs

2 g fiber

4 g sugar

46 g protein

Our organic tacos

700 calories (for 2)

56 g fat (17 saturated)

50 g carbs

4 g fiber

4 g sugar

44 g protein

As you can clearly see, there are many variants in the basic macros found in the sampling.

The organic tacos do not have the chemicals, toxic additives and processed ingredients that other tacos have. However, they contain FAT, SUGARS, CARBS and PROTEINS. I highlight sugars because these are not necessary in the diet, therefore fiber relative to sugar can be looked at relative to nutritional value. High sugar and no fiber is not optimal.

So yes, gasoline is gasoline. However, it’s the quality of the gas relative to the type of automobile up for discussion in terms of calories!

Just because a food is organic, farm-raised, non-dairy, sugar-free or gluten-free does not give you the green light to eat to excess.

Calories are calories, but quality doesn’t lie!