You cannot have a healthy, happy, long and loving relationship unless you have a strong and stable foundation in place. This is not rocket science, but rather truth.
We must look into ourselves and collect the right materials for our own foundation before we can ever build our future.
Today, it seems like so much destruction is taking place.
Lying, cheating, sneaking around.
Dominance, anger, abuse.
Expectations, degradation, disappointment.
Criticism, resentment, disrespect.
Retaliation, vengeance, retribution.
These are all signs of some foundational component being out of alignment or in disrepair. It’s right there in front of us and yet, many of us choose to ignore what needs attention, what needs healing and what needs to go!
The foundation of all healthy relationships needs the following elements.
TRUTH
Truth is being who you are authentically with your beloved and them being themselves (emotionally, spiritually, mentally)
HONESTY
Honesty is living a life of truth with your beloved
You cannot have a relationship of honesty without being true to yourself or others, and vice versa.
EXAMPLE
“This is me in my vulnerable and fully unique, weird self. Yes I dance alone under the moon (I’m not weird). Yes I pick my toenails (I’m not gross). Yes I dress in monochromatic style (black on black; gray on gray-I’m not boring). Yes I leave the toilet lid up (I’m not disrespecting). Yes I spread my shoes around the house (I’m not a pig). Yes I cry when I feel it (I’m not TOO sensitive or TOO emotional)….and I’m OK as I am. So are YOU.”
INTEGRITY
Integrity is acting and speaking in front of your beloved as you do In their absence (texts, in person, email, phone conversations, pictures sent to friends etc)
TRUST
Trust is knowing that your beloved will not act or speak differently in your absence
Without integrity, you cannot have trust and vice versa.
EXAMPLE
“I may not like a situation, but I believe you fully when you say you won’t hurt me, that I am enough. Moreover, even if you don’t say it, I KNOW you are in front of me who you are in front of them; that you wouldn’t take a different action in my absence than you would in my presence.”
COURAGE
Courage is standing up for your values both as an individual and as a couple, even if those who try to sway you are family or friends
BRAVERY
Bravery is taking up a sword and removing all persons, places and things that do not honor you, your highest self, your beloved and your relationship
You cannot have courage without bravery and vice versa.
EXAMPLE
“It’s difficult sometimes, because I may not see exactly what you see, but if you don’t like this and believe it’s hurting us, I will remove it. I have your back. If this situation or person is wreaking havoc on you as a person or us as a couple, I will not fight you on it, but rather will stand with you as I have your back.”
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Unconditional love is loving the sum of ALL parts of who they ARE TODAY, including the perceived flaws, miscommunications, missteps and upsets
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is understanding within ourselves that which has ‘happened’ is done and we give them the freedom to move forward in their lives as well as giving ourselves the same freedom. This does not mean there aren’t consequences to the act itself, which can be reassessing, rebuilding or even walking away
You cannot forgive without unconditional love and vice versa.
EXAMPLE
“I love you for all you are, not who I think you should be and therefore, I realize you will not always do or say things that I fully embrace. However, I appreciate you for all of your pieces, both past and present, that brought us to this moment and love you as a WHOLE. I recognize that unconditional love means I love you as much as I love myself and I will not bring intentional harm to either. I forgive you and release the negativity for what you said in conflict, what you did out of haste and the actions that left me feeling low.”
I love all of you as you are now,
from your looks to your snoring to your forgetful nature or your need to be in charge
and I forgive you for the mistake (s) you have made, without retaliation or retribution.”
RESPECT
Respect is fully embracing our beloved, even if we don’t agree with their opinions or actions
SUPPORT
Support is having your beloved’s back even when their opinion isn’t in alignment with yours
You cannot have support without respect and vice versa
EXAMPLE
“I don’t agree with you but I respect you and respect us and I will support you if this is what you genuinely wish.”
Build your foundation solid and strong so your beautiful structure, your home, does not crumble to the ground after the weathering of a few storms.
